


Stardust

by BigG1999



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Parents, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anya Lives, Arranged Marriage, Artist Clarke Griffin, Bisexual Clarke Griffin, Bisexual Raven Reyes, Closeted Character, Costia (The 100) Lives, Doctor Abby Griffin, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay Disaster Lexa (The 100), Gender Dysphoria, Genital Torture, Gore, Graphic Description, Graphic abuse, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lexa Lives, Menstruation, Minor Anya/Raven Reyes, Minor Octavia Blake/Lincoln, Morning Cuddles, Morning Wood, Past Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Past Finn Collins/Raven Reyes, Period blood, Physical Abuse, Sarcastic Anya (The 100), Self-Harm, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Strangulation, Surgery, Thought Projection, Trans Lexa, Transgender, Transgender Lexa, Transphobia, Triggers, Verbal Abuse, bad first kiss, harper mcintyre - Freeform, past lexa/costia, past self harm, period
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-04-20 12:54:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 38,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14261412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigG1999/pseuds/BigG1999
Summary: Lexa and Clarke are getting married. The problem? They don't know each other.Arranged Marriage AU with a twist!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Use of wrong name and pronouns A LOT, homophobia, and I'm sure more will come, such as dysphoria and transphobia. This will not be a light fic.  
> Lexa is still in the closet. In the story, everybody will use her birth name, including herself, because she is not out yet. This might cause some dysphoria for readers, please do not read if you feel it will make you uncomfortable.  
> This story is just as much a romance as it is Lexa coming to terms with herself.  
> It will be slow, but I hope you're on board with this idea, because I am. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings should be before each chapter. Please let me know if I miss anything you feel should be tagged!

“Axel, come in here a minute, would you?” Alexander Woods calls from his study as his only child walks by the room.

“Yes father?” Lexa questions, coming to the doorway.

“In here boy, we need to talk.”

Lexa doesn’t say anything as she takes a seat, folding her hands in her lap.

“It has been awhile since you dated,” her father states.

“I have been focused on work,” Lexa points out calmly, knowing getting upset will not help the situation.

“Yes, I am sure having your last girl turn out to be a, whatever they call them these days, did not help your confidence.”

Lexa bites the inside of her cheek, taking a deep breath to calm herself.

“However, the Woods name must go on. You have stopped looking for a wife, so I have started.”

“Father, you can’t-”

A glare cuts her off. She forces her face to become the stone she’s known for and listens to her father.

“I know you care deeply about work. I have been blessed to have a son who truly cares about the company in the same way I do. Your mother and I came together for the company, and I expect you to do the same with your wife.”

“So you have already found me a wife? Without my knowledge or thoughts on such a thing?”

“There are many factors at stake here Axel, I hope you understand. She is the daughter of a brilliant man who passed away many years ago. In order to use his technology, I had to assure them she would be taken care of. Her mother was pleased with the offer.”

“So you used me as a bargaining chip? And her mother used her?” Lexa questions, her jaw sliding back and forth before clinching.

“Don’t get that tone with me. You are my child. You are lucky to be here, got it?”

“Yes sir. Sorry sir,” Lexa says, not looking away from her father.

“Good,” he puts on his reading glasses, “Clarke will be here tomorrow night for dinner. I expect you to be the respectful man I raised you to be.”

“Yes sir,” Lexa says, standing up.

“And Axel?” he says, stopping her at the doorway.

“Yes father?”

“Don’t turn this one into a fag. Once is bad enough, but twice is downright disgraceful.”

Lexa grits her teeth, “yes sir,” she says, calmly walking to her room.

Lexa closes her door, taking great care as to not make too much noise. She throws herself on her bed, not bothering to change out of her dress shirt and slacks.

“Fuck,” she mumbles to herself, her arm coming up to cover her eyes.

She falls asleep quickly, wondering what her wife is going to be like and if she can get out of it.

* * *

 “I’m being married off? An arranged marriage? It’s the twenty-first century mom, it doesn’t happen like that anymore.”

“Clarke, you and I both know I have no say in this,” Abby sighs.

“You’re the one who brought me into the conversation!”

“I mentioned wanting you to be safe, taken care of. I didn’t suggest arranging a marriage!”

“But you didn’t shut it down! He isn’t unreasonable, he’s just good at getting what he wants. I doubt one of his goals is marrying his only son to a random artist,” Clarke points out.

“Clarke,” Abby sighs, “I don’t see what’s the big deal. You’re going to be marrying the air to one of the biggest companies in the nation.”

“A man who is used to getting everything he wants is going to be my husband. Sounds super safe mom. I don’t know the guy, I don’t know who he is or what he’d expect of me as his wife. I’m not ready to do anything with some random guy mom.”

“Axel is a very respectful young man. I wouldn’t agree to it if I thought he might harm you. However, this seems like the perfect time to tell you that you’re going over there tomorrow for dinner with him. If you aren’t okay with it afterwards, then we can talk about it. Woods will give me whatever I want to get his hands on your father’s work.”

“And you want me to marry a stranger?” Clarke rolls her eyes.

“I want you to be taken care of for the rest of your life Clarke. Axel will take care of you better than I can.”

“I can take care of myself Mom. I have been for a long time.”

“I want you to be able to focus on your art, not on working. You are talented, and your father would want you to pursue that, instead of working table for your rent. No, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, I just want you to live your dream. This deal can help you do that.”

Clarke sighs, biting the inside of her cheek.

“Just go to dinner tomorrow. That’s all I ask. Meet Axel and you two can decide on it together. If he’s an ass, forget about it, okay?”

Clarke sighs again, “fine. I’ll go.”

“Thank you honey,” Abby smiles, pulling Clarke into a hug and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Worst comes to worst I’ll just kick him in the dick and run away.”

Abby chuckles, pulling Clarke closer, “please don’t do that.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Axel.”

Lexa looks up at the sound, looking at her mother, “yes ma’am?”

“Go put on your red undershirt. Abby just told me Clarke’s wearing red. I don’t know why you’re wearing jeans to meet her anyways.”

Lexa sighs, looking down at her dark green plaid dress shirt that matches her eyes, dark blue tie and dress jacket, paired with a dark wash jean and brown belt. 

“I thought this brought out my eyes,” she says, looking at her mother, schooling her features to remain indifferent.

“Do as your mother says,” Alexander orders from his chair across the room.

Lexa bites the inside of her cheek, forcing herself to contain an eyeroll or a sigh as she stands.

“Red shirt and black pants, keep it simple,” Dana calls after her.

Lexa rolls her eyes once she gets out of sight, ideas already forming in her mind. Opening her closet, she grins when she sees her red flannel. Quickly taking off her button up with ease due to the years of practice, she slips on the red shirt. She quickly decides to pair it with a her favorite pair of tan chinos, just to spite her mother.

She walks to her full length mirror, taking in her masculine body. Taking a deep breath she decides to play up her body, knowing how attractive she is to look at. She thinks that if she liked men, she might like her body simply to look at. Nevertheless, she doesn’t like it, as her own body, or a male body in general. Rolling up her sleeves, she flexes, making sure it isn’t too tight, yet tight enough to show how definded her muscles are. She grabs her favorite watch, one Costia got her years ago. 

Lexa sighs, turning it over to read the small inscription before putting it on. The rolex fitting into the outfit perfectly. 

“Axel! Hurry up, she’s almost here,” her mother yells up the stairs.

Lexa groans, looking at herself once more in the mirror. She quickly unbuttons the top two button on her shirt, showing off the defined line of her pecs, while still remaining respectful. She runs her fingers through her hair quickly, give the inch a much more mused look before quickly walking downstairs again.

Dana doesn’t attempt to hide her reaction to Lexa’s choice in fashion.

“Clarke is closer to my age mother, she probably enjoys trendy styles more than the classics,” she defends, her face remaining stoic. 

“I told-”

The doorbell interrupts Dana, which Lexa is grateful for, although she doesn’t allow her face to show such a thing.

“We talk about your disobedience later,” Alexander states, glaring at Lexa before walking to the door.

“Mr. Woods, nice to see you again,” Clarke greets the older man at the door.

“It is my pleasure, Miss. Griffin,” Alexander states, taking her hand in his and pressing a kiss to it as he bows, “please come in.”

“Thank you sir, your home is beautiful,” Clarke states, reciting from what he mother has taught her about rich people. 

“Thank you, may I introduce you to my beautiful wife, Dana, and my wonderful son, Axel.”

“Your mother has greatly under exaggerated your beauty my dear,” Dana says, pulling Clarke into a hug, one that is under the guise of motherly, but lacks the warmth.

“Your husband does not speak enough of yours ma’am,” Clarke smiles, fooling the Woods parents completely.

“What a charmer you are dear,” Dana laughs, far too high pitched to be anything less of annoying.

“Come along dear, let's give the children time to talk,” Alexander all but orders, barely touching Dana’s shoulder to guide her out of the house.

With the parents gone, both of them take a deep breath, happy for their prying eyes and ears to be gone. 

Lexa offers a charming smile, easily taking Clarke’s hand in hers, bowing much like her father did, “my father is a lier about a lot of things, but your beauty is not one of them,” she says, allowing herself to glance at Clarke’s body.

Only a glance because Lexa is unsure if she can trust herself to look for longer. There are too many feelings in her stomach and chest to think about what it means, too many feelings that feel too close to what she feels alone at night when everybody in the house is sound asleep.

“I’m sorry to say I haven’t heard near enough about you,” Clarke grins, letting her eyes take in the body before her.

Forearms that are begging to be let out of the plaid shirt holding them, a tiny sliver of defined pecs that can only be from hours and hours of training and workouts. A sharp jawline that is oddy feminine and strong at the same time leading up to lips that can only be described as pouty. 

“Well maybe we can change that over dinner?” Lexa questions, quirking an eyebrow.

“I’d like that,” Clarke smiles.

Lexa smiles back, easily falling into a role she used to play a lot as she leads Clarke to the dining room. The role of a pretty rich boy with an easy smile, ready to break a lot of hearts for no reason other than he can.

* * *

“That was really good,” Clarke states as she plops down onto the couch.

“I’ll let Gustus know you enjoyed it. He loves hearing how good his food is. My parents don’t compliment him enough,” Lexa states, sitting down next to the blonde with much more class.

“I have a feeling they don’t give compliments at all,” Clarke says, kicking off her heels and folding her legs under her.

“Do you want some clothes to change into? You don’t look comfortable in that dress,” Lexa says, watching as the blonde shifts back and forth, trying to get comfortable.

Clarke chuckles, “Axel, that’s a cheap way to ask to see me naked.”

The vision of Clarke naked flashes through her head, causing Lexa to turn red. The act she's been putting on forgotten as she looks to the ground. She takes a deep breath, centering herself, drawing her face into the face of indifference she uses with her parents.

“Hey, I was joking Axel,” Clarke says, grabbing Lexa’s forearm.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa mumbles, drawing her arm into herself and away from Clarke.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Clarke whispers, moving closer to Lexa, taking her hand and intertwining their fingers.

Lexa clenches her jaw and closes her eyes.

“It’s just you and me here. We’re good,” Clarke whispers, and continues to whisper until Lexa calms down.

“I’m sorry Klark, I don’t know what came over me,” Lexa states, her face void of emotion.

Clarke bites the inside of her cheek to stop herself from calling bullshit. It’s obvious to her something happened in Axel’s mind that bothered him.

“Father mentioned you enjoy painting?” 

Clarke can’t help her smile. Lexa’s facade breaks, her lip twitching up into a smirk at the look on Clarke’s face.

“I should be mad at you for changing the subject, but yes. I love painting.”

“I would love to support you so you can work on what you love. I’d love to see your art someday in museums.” 

“You haven’t even seen it yet, how can you know if it should be in museums?” Clarke laughs.

Lexa shrugs, a huge grin spreading across her face as she relaxes, “I know that whatever someone as beautiful as you creates is going to be just as beautiful.”

Clarke can’t help the blood rushing to her face nor the grin she sports. Lexa smiles softly, getting lost in her own thoughts as she looks at the pink in Clarke cheeks. Thoughts of Clarke calling her by her name, hugging her close, holding her close.

“What are you, a poet?” Clarke laughs.

_ No, a lesbian _

She chuckles, giving Clarke her best ‘boyish grin’ as she says “for you? Anything.”

Clarke shakes her head, ignoring the face her face is turning a deeper shade of red as she smiles.

“Axel? Are you still up?” Dana’s voice calls as they hear the front door open.

“Yes ma’am,” Lexa raises, talking louder, but being careful not to shout, “Clarke and I are in the family room talking.”

“You should take her home soon son, it’s getting late,” Alexander’s voice rings through.

“Yes sir,” Lexa calls, hearing them both make their way up the stairs, towards their bedrooms.

“You don’t have to take me home Axel,” Clarke says, leaning down to strap on her shoes.

Lexa freezes. Standing there has created the perfect view of Clarke’s ample chest, further enhanced by her leaning forward. 

The lack of response causes Clarke to look up, blue eyes connecting immediately with green. The automatic flush that covers Lexa’s features causes Clarke to chuckle.

“For being a big bad rich boy, you sure rat yourself out,” she states, not moving from the incriminating position.

Lexa shakes her head, clearing her throat as she looks up at the clock on the wall behind Clarke.

“It’s pretty late, I should take you home.”

“If you were listening instead of ogling, you’d have heard me say I can make it home by myself,” Clarke teases, standing up.

“I insist. It would be my pleasure,” Lexa says.

Clarke sighs, “how about a compromise? Walk me to my car?”

Lexa’s brows furrow as she thinks.

“Come on,” Clarke says, grabbing her hand.

Lexa follows Clarke’s lead, although not letting the blonde drag her, such a thing would be unmanly. They walk through the house hand and hand, then out the front door and to Clarke’s waiting car. 

“So, I had a nice time,” Clarke says, leaning against her car, turning to look at Lexa.

“I did too,” Lexa says, trying to ignore how her heart and stomach are both tingling, a mix of pleasant and terrible, all together overwhelming feelings. She can only hope that Clarke isn’t expecting anything more than a goodbye.

“We should do this again,” Clarke phrases as a question.

“We can do it all the time if we’re married,” Lexa points out, feelings pushed to the back, facts in front. She needs to win Clarke over so her father can get the technology, so they can expand, so they can make more money, which in turn will help them grow. She has to win Clarke.

Clarke chuckles, “I see your point,” she mumbles, quickly, before Lexa can even register it, Clarke presses a small kiss to her cheek and dips into her car.

“I’ll text ya stud,” Clarke yells out her widow as she drives away, leaving Lexa both confused and excited. 

She smiles to herself all the way to her room before it hits her.

“She doesn’t have my number.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING! ABUSE!  
> There is verbal abuse, homophobia, and physical abuse (strangulation) in this chapter.

“Wow. That’s shitty and amazing at the same time,” Raven Reyes, one of Clarke’s best friends states, having just listened to Clarke’s new situation.

“Your mother basically married you off, but it turns out the guy is really hot and sweet? So you might be okay with it?” Octavia Blake, Clarke’s other best friend, sumerizes.

Clarke shrugs, taking a sip of her coffee, if one can call the concoction of sugar and flavorings coffee at all.

“He’s different than every guy I’ve ever dated. I mean, after we got done eating, her saw I was kinda uncomfortable in my dress, so he offered to let me borrow his clothes.”

“He probably just wanted you naked,” Raven points out.

“I know, I made that comment myself. He got so red and flustered. I’ve never met a guy like him,” Clarke muses, her cheeks turning pink as she remembers his complements.

“You’re blushing,” Octavia point out.

“He’s hot, right?” Raven questions.

Clarke chuckles, pulling out her phone, “Axel is definitely hot. Plus, he’s got style. I mean, he was just in a flannel and he looked so fucking sexy. Here’s a picture,” she turns her phone, revealing a picture of Axel in a light grey suit, grey vest, paired with a dark blue tie and a dark blue plaid undershirt. His hair is clipped close on the sides, leaving about two inches of curls on the top. 

“Damn Griffin,” Raven says, letting out a whistle.

“Damn, what a stud. Does he dress like that all of the time?” Octavia questions.

“I mean, I’m sure not all the time,” Clarke shrugs, “he’s always helping out at his parent’s company, so I’m sure he’s usually well dressed.”

“So he’s a daddy’s boy?” Raven questions, scrunching up her nose at the thought.

“I’d say he’s more controlled by his parents than anything. Most rich guys are always flaunting their money. I mean, do you remember Cage? Axel seems more, what’s the word? Subdued, I’d say.”

“So are you going to marry him?” Octavia questions.

Clarke shrugs, “I don’t see the harm. He said he’ll support me being an artist. I’ll be able to focus on painting instead of waiting on tables.”

“So a sugar daddy?” Raven questions.

Clarke shrugs, “I’m not opposed to a sugar daddy.”

“Are you seriously considering this Clarke?” Octavia questions.

Clarke sighs, “I mean, why not? If I end up hating him, then I can get a divorce. There’s a shit ton of marriages that start for worse reasons.”

“Yeah, but it’s marriage Clarke.”

“It’s a piece of paper. I’ll make sure there’s not a prenup, so at the very least I’ll be well off,” Clarke shrugs.

“But what about? Ya know?” Octavia questions.

Clarke raises an eyebrow in question.

“Other marriage duties?” Raven says, giving her a pointed look.

Clarke can’t stop the blush that covers her cheeks.

“Well, I mean. You saw Axel. It’s not like it’d be the worst thing.”

“Someone has a crush,” Octavia sings, causing Clarke to roll her eyes and chuckle.

“So, when’s the date? Big huge wedding or small thing?” Raven questions further.

“I haven’t said yes yet,” Clarke points out.

“Yet.”

* * *

“Axel.”

“Yes sir?” Lexa questions, walking into his office at work.

“I just got an update from Abigail Griffin. It seems you were charming enough, even in your hideous outfit,” Lexa bites the inside of her cheek, “you seemed to make a connection with Miss Griffin. She wants to see you again to talk about the marriage.”

“Okay.”

“I have provided them with your cell phone number. Miss Griffin will be in contact with you later today. Abigail and I have come to the agreement that there will be no prenups. Such a thing would be setting you up for failure. If you do happen to ruin Clarke as you did Costia-”

“I didn’t ruin Costia,” Lexa whispers.

“Excuse me?” Alexander questions, his voice low and his green eyes cold.

“Nothing father. I have some reports to finish is all. Should we be discussing such a personal matter in the workplace? It might lead to other unprofessional conversations.”

Alexander stands, his chest puffed out as he stands tall, towering three inches over his only child, green eyes cold as he takes in the body language presented to him.

Lexa resist the urge to lower her head, instead meeting his eyes. He reaches out, grabbing her chin roughly, not giving her the option to look away.

“You are nothing. You have no personal life, you hear me? Your life is the company and nothing else. You will not disrespect me by talking back ever again.”

“Yes sir. Sorry sir,” Lexa says, her voice stronger than what she feels.

Alexander stares into her eyes, his hand drifting down to her neck.

“You are lucky to be here. Lucky I haven’t,” he trails off, squeezing Lexa’s neck, effectively cutting off her oxygen.

Lexa doesn’t move, doesn’t show any signs of weakness. She can feel her chest get tight, her lungs begging for air, her eyes roll back as her head starts pounding.

“You’re lucky to be here,” Alexander growls, throwing his child to the ground by their neck, “now get out of my face.”

Lexa coughs, her body sucking up the air.

“Yes sir,” she mumbles, not bothering to stand up as she crawls out of his office, still coughing. 

With his door closing behind her, she leans against the wall, her hands coming to her neck, massaging. Still breathing heavy, she stands, forcing her breathing to go back to normal. 

“Have a good day, Axel,” Nia Knight, Alexander’s assistant says, walking past Lexa and into the office.

“Yes ma’am, you too,” Lexa says, taking note of the deeper tone of her voice.

Nia doesn’t give her a second glance, nor did she say anything about the fact she just watched the younger one crawl out of the office on their hands and knees.

Lexa stands tall, gathering her broken ego and walking to her own office.

“Mr Woods, I ran the copies for you, they are on your desk.”

“Thank you Harper,” Lexa says, her voice still lower.

Harper sighs, following Lexa into her office, closing the door.

“Are you okay Axel?” Harper questions, her eyes drawn to Lexa’s throat.

“We do not discuss personal matters at work Miss McIntyre,” Lexa states, looking at the reports on her desk.

“Of course not,” Harper mumbles, giving Lexa one last glance before going to the door.

“Harper?”

“Yes sir?” Harper questions, turning at the door.

“Thank you, for caring,” Lexa mumbles, giving a smile smile, “you do not need to though, but thank you.”

“Of course sir,” Harper nods, “you have my number,” she says, quieter.

Lexa nods, as she always does with this happens. Harper settles at her desk, sending some dirty looks towards the office of the head of the company, like always. They don’t talk about it, like always. When Harper leaves she lingers for a few moments, thinking about going in to tell her boss something, but deciding against it, like always.

Lexa buries herself in work, not looking up until well into the night. She doesn’t plan on going home, knowing better than to show herself to her father. At two o’clock in the morning a knock at her door surprises her, looking up to find her best friend, she can’t help her smile.

“Come on,” Anya says, her eyes looking drawn to Lexa’s throat.

“That bad, huh?” Lexa jokes, her voice still a bit deeper than normal.

“Let’s go,” Anya whispers, not feeling safe to talk in the office.

Lexa sighs, but does as she’s told.

* * *

“Open.”

“Anya, I’m fine.”

It only takes a pointed glare for Lexa to comply, opening her mouth wide while Anya shines a light down her throat.

“You’re lucky,” Anya whispers as she removes the light.

“I’m fine,” Lexa says yet again.

“Your voice is deeper. You’ve got swelling and internal bruising. Lexa, people die from this.”

Lexa sighs, looking to the ground.

“Lexa,” Anya sighs.

“I talked back. It won’t happen again. I’m fine,” Lexa says.

“It doesn’t matter if you talk back, he’s an abusive piece of-”

“I’m okay,” Lexa cuts her off.

Anya sighs, glaring at Lexa.

“I’m tired An, can I just?”

Anya rolls her eyes, “I’ll raid Linc’s closet for you. I know how you get about wrinkles in your shirt.”

Lexa sighs, sinking back into the couch as Anya disappears.

“He’s not near as fashionable as you,” Anya says, throwing a pair of sweats and a plain grey tee shirt at her.

Lexa rolls her eyes, standing up and easily taking off her shirt as Anya busies herself in the kitchen.

“You want a beer?” Anya questions.

“I’m good,” Lexa mumbles, taking off her pants.

Her phone falls to the ground, “shit,” she mumbles, quickly sliding on Lincoln’s sweatpants before picking it back up.

“You have someone texting you?” Anya questions as Lexa turns it on to find three text messages.

Lexa doesn’t answer, instead clicking on the unknown number. She quickly reads the long text message, then the apology for the length, then the apology for texting so late in the night.

“I guess now would be a good time to tell you I’m getting married.”

“What?”

“Her name’s Clarke. She’s an artist,” Lexa says, putting her phone away.

Anya sighs, “Lexa, is this for your father?”

Lexa nods, “Clarke’s father left them some important technology, in order for our company to get it, she has to be taken care of. I’ll provide her with whatever she desires, in return we get to use the technology.”

“Is that shit even legal? How can your father make you marry a stranger? What kinda person is okay with marrying a random person? I mean, she doesn’t even know you.”

Lexa shrugs, folding her shirt.

“Are you going to be her sugar daddy or something?”

Lexa pauses, thinking for a moment, “I guess that is what we’ll be like, okay we’ll be married.”

“God Lexa, is she at least pretty?”

Lexa blushes, giving Anya her answer without words.

“What does she look like?”

“Blonde. Gorgeous blue eyes,” Lexa trails off, thinking about how she felt when their eyes connected.

“Ass? Tits?” Anya questions.

Lexa’s blush turns two shades dark in an instant, “I’m not going to-”

“She’s got both. Damn, they don’t come like that anymore,” Anya cuts her off.

“Women come in all shapes and sizes,” Lexa mumbles.

“Yeah, but this girl has gotta be a bombshell. What’s her name, Claire?”

“Clarke. Clarke Griffin.”

“Got it,” Anya pulls out her phone, searching the name quickly.

“Damn Lex,” Anya says, “If I liked girls.”

“You do like girls, idiot.”

“Rude. She ain’t my type, but she’s gorgeous. If you gotta have a sugar baby, she’s what you want. If you’re forced to have kids, they aren’t-”

“It’s way too soon to think about such things. I will not allow father to force anybody to have children.”

“So he can choke you, force you to marry, but kids are the stopping point?” Anya deadpans.

Lexa sighs, rolling her eyes.

“Anyways babe, I’m going to go to bed,” Anya says, leaning over and pressing a kiss to Lexa’s forehead.

“Don’t call me that,” Lexa says, but her small smirk betrayed her words.

“You love it,” Anya points out, going into her room.

Lexa shakes her head, laying down on the couch. When Lincoln comes home from work at six am, he finds the sleeping brunette there. He grabs the blanket from the couch and covers her before going to bed himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you experience situations close to what Lexa is going through with Alexander, I hope you contact the police. It is not right, and nobody ever deserves to be harmed. It doesn't matter what you do, you do not deserve pain. EVER. I love you and hope you have the strength to get help.


	4. Chapter 4

Lexa takes a deep breath, emotionally preparing herself to face Alexander. She pushes open his door, not allowing herself to stop for a moment, knowing better than to show weakness in his presence.

“I finished these reports, they need your final look over,” she says, her voice still a few pitches deeper, as she puts the file on his desk.

She can feel his eyes on her, and she stands tall, meeting his eyes.

“What kind of a man wears makeup?” Alexander questions.

Lexa clenches her jaw, not answering.

“Are you deaf?” Alexander questions, his voice becoming calmer.

“No sir, I am not deaf,” Lexa says, focusing on her breathing.  _ In, one, two, three. Out, one, two, three. In, one, two, three. Out, one, two, three. _

“I will not have my son wearing makeup. You will go wash it off.”

“Sir, the bruises are very defined. I would not want a concerned-”

“Nobody is concerned with you Axel, do not worry,” he cuts her off, dismissing her with a wave of his hand.

“Of course sir,” Lexa nods her head, leaving the room without another word.

“Axel,” Nia calls, stopping Lexa from her track back to her office.

“Yes Miss Knight?” Lexa questions, stopping to turn to the older woman.

“Your father said you would be needing this,” she says, holding out a small travel package of makeup remover wipes.

“Of course, thank you ma’am,” Lexa takes the package.

“My pleasure,” Nia smirks, her eyes going directly to Lexa’s throat.

Lexa doesn’t say a word, instead turning on her heel and going to her office. 

“Harper,” Lexa calls as she walks past, waving her hand to direct the younger woman to follow her.

“Yes sir?” Harper questions, closing the door behind them automatically.

“I need you to cancel all appointments for the next two weeks,” Lexa states, ripping open the package and rubbing at her neck.

“Are you sure you should be doing that?” Harper questions, watching as Lexa grits her teeth in pain.

“We talked about discussing personal matters at work, Miss McIntyre.”

“I find it hard not to discuss the huge handprint around your neck,” Harper bites, then adds quickly, “Sir.”

“Miss McIntyre, I suggest you find a way to keep your personal thoughts to yourself, otherwise you may need to find a new line of work,” Lexa says softly.

Harper sighs, glaring at her boss, her mouth opening to say something, then stopping herself.

“I expect you will be busy cancelling and rescheduling my appointment for the next two weeks, you may want to get to it,” Lexa says, her voice and face indiferent.

“Yes sir,” Harper spits, turning on her heel and slamming the door behind her.

Lexa sighs, her handing coming to her temple. She gently massages them, closing her eyes.

“Mr Woods?” Harper says, the door cracking open.

“What is it Harper?” Lexa questions.

“There’s a woman here for you. She says she’s going to be your mother in law?” Harper more questions than says.

“Yes, Mrs Griffin. Send her in please,” Lexa says.

“Axel,” Harper steps into the room, “are you sure? With your…?”

“Send her in Miss McIntyre,” Lexa says again.

“Yes sir,” she nods, leaving Lexa alone again for a second.

Lexa reaches up, gently massaging her bruised neck for a second, clenching her jaw when it hurts. The door opens quickly, relieving none other than Abigail Griffin.

“Mrs Griffin, what a pleasure to finally meet you,” Lexa states, standing up and easily taking her hand, pressing a light kiss to the back of it, “It would seem that my parents didn’t inform me from who Clarke got her beauty.”

Abby doesn’t respond, her eyes glued to the large bruise on Lexa’s neck.

“So, what seems to have brought you to me?” Lexa questions, dropping into her face of indifference, praying to a god she doesn’t believe in that Abby ignore it.

“What happened?” Abby says, her hand coming up to Lexa’s neck, softly touching the bruises.

“Ma’am,” Lexa says, stepping back from the woman, “I am sure you came here for a good reason?” she questions, going to the other side of her desk, easily putting space between herself and the woman.

Abby doesn’t say a word, instead turning on her heel and walking out.

“Ma’am, you can’t go in there without an appointment,” Lexa hears Nia say.

Lexa stands, quickly heading to where she’s sure Abby has gone, to see her father. 

“No need to call them Nia, Abby is a family friend,” Alexander states as Lexa gets to the door.

Nia nods, knowing she’s been dismissed.

“What the fuck Woods?” Abby shouts at the man.

“I’m going to need you to calm down, Mrs Griffin, otherwise I will be forced to call security,” Alexander states calmly, not bothering to stand from his desk.

Lexa closes the door, knowing this isn’t a conversation for the office to hear.

“Your son has been choked! There are bruises on his neck, how can I trust him with my daughter if he can’t-”

“Axel is trained in many forms of self defense. We had him put in many classes when we decided he was down growing. He boxes and works out daily. I have complete faith in his ability to protect your daughter in a dangerous situation,” Alexander cuts her off. 

Lexa stands there, her face of indifference gone as she digests what her father just said. It’s the nicest thing she’s ever heard from him. It creates a weird feeling in her stomach that she hasn’t felt. 

“I think I’m going to be sick, please excuse me,” she says, rushing to the closest bathroom. 

She was right, barely getting to the toilet in time, her stomach contents spilling into the toilet. 

“Fuck,” Lexa mumbles, wiping her mouth off before getting up and looking at herself in the mirror.

She rebuttons her top button, ignoring the dark purple bruise in the shape of a handprint on her neck. She slowly walks back to her father's office, not walking right in, instead listening.

“He deserved it from whoever did that. He knows how to protect himself.”

“I see.” Abby says, “I will be in contact with you and Axel later.”

Lexa decides now is the time to come in, so she does, almost running into Abby.

“My apologies,” Lexa nods her head.

“Clarke is looking forward to see you again, Axel,” Abby says, gently patting Lexa’s shoulder as she passes.

“Father,” Lexa nods, meeting his eyes.

“Did you plan that?” Alexander questions, voice low, dangerous.

“No sir. She surprised me.”

Alexander nods, with a wave of his hand he dismisses her.

* * *

“Are you sure?” Clarke questions, looking at her mother.

“Clarke, I want you to go and see him tomorrow. Do not take no for an answer. He was so… I wouldn’t say broken, but he’s definitely being controlled. Just because he’s a man doesn’t make it any easier for him to get help,” Abby says.

“I mean, I knew his parents were controlling, but I didn’t think… I mean, have you seen Axel? He’s built. I’m sure he could take his father down,” Clarke mumbles, looking down.

“Hey,” Abby says, tilting Clarke’s chin up, “it is not on you to see it, okay? Don’t you dare feel bad for not seeing it.”

“But mom, the signs were already there, I mean, looking back-”

“Exactly, looking back. We can’t live in the past. We are going to get him help.”

“How? The Woods are one of the biggest companies in the world. They aren’t going to let us take their son away from them.”

“I’ll make sure you get your own house. That’ll at least get Axel out from under their roof. We can’t help him unless he helps himself, but we can try.”

“I can’t believe this.”

“Hey, it doesn’t make him any weaker, you know that right?” Abby questions.

“Of course. I can’t believe what it’d be like, to live with someone who could hit you. I can’t… Geez.”

“I want you to know some stuff, before you decide to go ahead with the marriage.”

“I’m going to marry him Mom,” Clarke says, glaring at the woman for suggesting otherwise.

“Abusive tendencies are usually learned. I know right now Axel is a victim, but sometimes, when people come from an abusive household-”

“They pick it up too, I know mom,” Clarke cuts her off, “I trust Axel.”

“You barely know him.”

Clarke shrugs, “Axel is different.”

Abby smiles, raising an eyebrow, “different?”

Clarke chuckles, turning pink, “Oh my gosh Ma.”

“Do we have a crush?” Abby questions with a grin.

Clarke shrugs, shaking her head with a laugh.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Abby smiles, looking over at her daughter.

She gets lost in her thoughts as she watches her only child blush. Flashes of Jake laughing flash in her mind. She reaches out, grabbing Clarke’s hand in hers.

“He’d be so happy.”

“He is,” Clarke says, looking up, as if she could see her father looking down at them.

“I hope we’re doing this right.”

“Here’s the breakdown. We’re giving away dad’s technology, which will be remade within a few year anyways. In return, you get a new house and money for the rest of your days. I get a sugar daddy, and get to help him get out of his father’s grasps. I’d say it’s a fair trade.”

“God Clarke, that’s a really run down of it.”

Clarke shrugs, pressing a kiss to the back of her mother’s hand.

“I don’t want you to worry about me Ma.”

“You’re my baby,” Abby chuckles, turning her hand to cup Clarke’s face, “I’ll always worry,” she whispers, leaning in to press a kiss to Clarke’s forehead.

“I love you,” Clarke whispers.

“BITCH YOU WILL NOT-” Raven cuts herself off, clearing her throat, “Abby, hello.”

Abby chuckles, pressing another kiss to Clarke’s forehead before getting up and saying “I have to go anyways dear. Marcus is probably waiting for me.”

“Don’t think we won’t talk about his Marcus,” Clarke says.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about dear, I love you,” Abby laughs, rushing out of the apartment.

“Sorry for interrupting,” Raven says.

“It’s fine, what’s going on?” Clarke questions.

“Did you hear the news?”

“No? What?”

“BAJA BLAST IS GOING INTO STORES!” Raven yells.

“Oh my god, really? That’s what you’re screaming about?” Clarke shakes her head.


	5. Chapter 5

“Clarke, I’m super busy,” Lexa says, her hand coming up to rub at her temples.

“I’m going to be your wife, I don’t give a damn how busy you are Axel,” Clarke says into the phone, rolling her eyes.

Lexa sighs, looking at herself in the mirror. Her eyes are automatically drawn to the dark purple bruises around her neck.

“Your mother talked to you, didn’t she?” Lexa questions.

“I talk to my mother everyday,” Clarke says.

Lexa rolls her eyes, “Fine.”

“Great, I’ll text you my address. Come over soon,” Clarke says, hanging up before Lexa can disagree. 

“Well fuck me.”

* * *

Lexa suppresses a sigh as she walks into the apartment building, forcing her face to become neutral, as if she’s in a business meeting. She bites the inside of her cheek, worry filling her chest as she looks down at the flowers in her hand. It’s a bit overkill, a bouquet of roses and sunflowers. She gets a weird look from the lady at the desk, but puffs out her chest. 

_ Bigger means stronger. Be bigger. Look bigger. Make them think you’re worth something. _

Lexa takes a deep breath, clearing her head as she comes to the door of Clarke’s apartment.

_ Strong. Manly. Cocky, yet not an asshole. Confident. You can do this. For the company. For the company. _

She knocks, waiting patiently for the door to open. The door swings open to reveal Clarke. Lexa can’t stop her eyes from glance up and down. Clarke looks amazing, dressed in a graphic tee shirt with the words “Support Positive LGBT Representation” on it, with a pair of black leggings.

“Are those for me?” Clarke questions, a smile as she looks at the flowers.

“Yes, they made me think of you,” Lexa says, smiling back, mostly due to the t-shirt.

“How so?” Clarke questions, taking the flowers and leading Lexa into the apartment.

“They’re pretty,” Lexa shrugs, shutting the door behind her, her eyes going down to Clarke’s ass.

“Well thank you,” Clarke says, coming out with a glass of water, “I don’t own a vase, so I guess a glass will have to do.”

“Oh, my apologies,” Lexa mumbles, looking down.

“It’s fine Axel,” Clarke says, putting the flowers in the center of her cluttered table.

“Take a seat, I know it’s not super clean, but it isn’t going to hurt you,” Clarke nods towards the couch.

“I’m not offended by the fact you are cluttered Clarke,” Lexa states, sitting down on the couch with far more grace than any normal human being has.

“Now,” Clarke plops down on the couch, turning to face Lexa.

“Yes?” Lexa turns towards her soon-to-be wife.

Clarke doesn’t say anything, instead looking down the the bruise on Lexa’s neck, then back up to green eyes, silently asking.

“I’m fine,” Lexa says automatically.

“Your voice is deeper. That means it damaged your vocal cords. Have you been feeling more congested than usual?”

Lexa shakes her head, “no, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Well if it was a violent strangulation, you could’ve vomited during it and then aspirated it into your lungs, causing you to get an infection in your lungs, which can later lead to death.”

“I’m fine Clarke, I promise.”

“Can I touch it?” Clarke questions, her eyes drifting down to it.

“I’d prefer if you didn’t,” Lexa whispers, put her head drifts backwards anyways.

“Hey,” Clarke grabs Lexa’s hand, “I’m not going to force you to do anything, okay?”

The look in Clarke’s eyes causes Lexa’s heart to hurt. Her chest fills with a feeling, one she hasn’t had since Costia, one she refuses to feel.

Clarke can see the moment Lexa shuts down, can see it in her face as it falls into the stoic one she has at the office. Clarke can’t help the sigh she lets out in disappointment. 

“Your mother mentioned that you wanted to talk about the wedding?” Lexa questions.

“Yeah,” Clarke nods, “I wanted to ask what you were thinking about. A huge wedding or a small one?” 

“Whatever your heart desires.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, leaning back into the couch, letting go of Lexa’s hand. They both ignore the twidge of discomfort they get from letting go. 

“I wanted to talk to you are a person Axel. You’re half of this relationship. I know it’s nothing more than business to you but-”

“You are more than business to me Clarke.” Lexa cuts her off, turning to look at her. “You are not some business arrangement to me, you are going to be my wife. My wife will always get whatever she desires.”

“I desire you to be honest with me.”

Lexa sighs, turning to face Clarke, taking her hands.

“As my future wife, I promise to be as honest with you as I possible can,” Lexa says, a tiny voice in the back of her head calling her a liar already.

“Who did that to you?” Clarke questions.

“My father. I disrespected him.” Lexa states, her voice cold once again.

Clarke looks down at their hands, gently rubbing Lexa’s fingers.

“You didn’t fight back?” she whispers.

“No. It’s assault. I’m half his age, I have a history of fighting. If I so much as touched him, my life would be ruined. I’d be in jail for the rest of my life, and I’m not strong enough to survive in jail. It’s better to take what I deserve and live with all the opportunities I am lucky to have,” Lexa says, her voice cold as she recites what she’s been told her whole life.

Clarke sighs, her heart aching for Lexa. She squeezes her hands. 

“As your future wife, I want you to stop being abused.”

“As long as I don’t talk back I-”

“I want you to get away from your father. Away from the company,” Clarke says boldly.

Lexa laughs, full out belly laugh. A deep rumble that Clarke would love to hear again, in a situation that’s funny. This isn’t it.

“I am sorry Clarke, but that can not happen,” Lexa giggles, “leave the company? Haha.”

Clarke sighs, nodding, “okay, so that’s a kinda huge thing to ask. Maybe we’ll revisit?”

Lexa chuckles, “sure.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, playfully pushing Lexa’s shoulders, “I think you’re being an asshole.”

“I try,” Lexa flashes her smirk, the one that all the girls in high school loved, even some of the boys.

Clarke can feel the blood rush to her face, but ignores it.

“So big wedding or small?”

“I don’t have many friends, only two, so it’s really up to you.”

“Okay, so we’ll let out parents decide? Because I only have two I want there anyways, but a huge wedding seems like the thing to do. I mean, it’s free to me, so why not have fun?”

Lexa shrugs, “I’ll be at there either way.”

“Good. Another question.”

“Yes?”

“I saw you eyeballing my shirt, what do you think?” Clarke questions.

“I think your breasts look amazing in everything,” Lexa grins again, letting her eyes travel down suggestively, blush coating her features at lying so actively.

Clarke rolls her eyes, but a smile finds its way on her face.

“I think this marriage might be better than either of us thought,” Clarke confesses.

“Yeah,” Lexa glances back down to her shirt, then up to blue eyes, “maybe it will be.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGERS: Lots of homophobic language, and racism. Lexa is misgendered a lot.

“Lex, what are you doing?” Lincoln questions, coming up to the brunette who is punching a punching bag.

“I’m working out?” Lexa says, throwing another combination of moves into the bag.

“Hey,” Lincoln grabs her arm, effectively stopping her in her tracks.

“What?” Lexa sighs, turning towards the man.

“What the hell are you thinking?” he questions, taking her hands in his.

“Wha- oh.”

Lexa looks down to find her hands bloody. Her knuckles have no skin left, blood running down her hands and on the bag.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” Lexa says, blush covering her face in embarrassment.

“Lexa, this isn’t good for you, come on,” Lincoln scolds lightly, grabbing a disinfectant and cleaning off the bag quickly, while pushing Lexa towards his private office.

“Fuck,” Lexa whispers to herself as she sits on the bench, waiting for Lincoln to finish disinfecting the bag.

“What the hell Lexa?” Lincoln questions as he walks into the room, locking the door behind him.

“I was working out,” Lexa defends, gesturing to her body, her tank top drenched.

“I taught you how to wrap your hands! You could get an infection or-”

“You disinfect everything, I’ll be fine.”

“That’s not the point, and you know it,” Lincoln sighs, rolling his eyes as he pulls opens the cabinet.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa whispers, looking to the ground, her voice soft.

“Hey,” Lincoln whispers, gently raising Lexa’s chin, making her look at him, their eyes connecting, “I’m worried about you, okay? I’m not mad, just worried.”

Lexa sniffles, tears in her eyes, but holding them back.

“It’s okay Lexa,” Lincoln whispers, wrapping her in a hug.

Lexa buries her face into his chest, tears falling.

“It’s okay babe,” Lincoln whispers, running his fingers through her short, well kept hair, “I’m here for you Lex, it’s okay.”

It takes Lexa a few minutes, during which Lincoln runs his fingers through her hair, calming her, holding her. Lexa takes a deep breath, leaning back and wiping her eyes.

“Sorry,” Lexa mumbles, sniffling.

“It’s okay Lexa, I’m here for you,” Lincoln whispers.

Lexa takes a deep breath, nodding her head.

“Alright, let me see those hands,” he orders with a small smile, setting the mood.

Lexa bites her lip as Lincoln cleans her cut and bandages it up.

“You wanna talk about it?” Lincoln questions quietly.

“I’m getting married.”

“So I’ve heard,” he whispers, sitting down next to her on the bench.

“She’s so nice.”

“I don’t see the problem Lex. You want a nice wife.”

“She deserves better than me Lincoln. She’s nice and caring. She’s got a heart. She’s gorgeous and she just… She deserves better than me Lincoln. A husband who can take care of her needs. All of them… Unlike me.”

“Hey,” Lincoln throws his arm around her, pulling her close, “Lexa. You are a wonderful person. You are sweet and caring. You are one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. You are super attractive, like, I thought I was good looking, but I have girls coming up to me, asking for your number. She is old enough to know what she wants. Yeah, it may be weird since it’s for a business, but she cares about you already it seems. Maybe someday she’ll even love you.”

“Yeah, she’ll love Axel,” Lexa spits.

“Maybe you’ll be able to show her Lexa,” Lincoln says, patting her thigh.

Lexa chuckles dryly.

“Just a thought Lex,” Lincoln mumbles, getting up, “I need you to get your ass outa here though, got a class in ten.”

“That hottie coming?” Lexa teases, loving the small amount of pink that shines through his dark features.

“Shut up,” he lightly pushes her away.

Lexa laughs as she walks out of his office.

* * *

“Miss Griffin, thank you for meeting with me,” Alexander says, bowing as he kisses her hand.

“Mr Woods,” Clarke mumbles respectfully.

“I-”

“I think I should talk first, if you don’t mind,” Clarke cuts him off, not bothering to sit.

“Go right ahead.”

“I am going to marry your son. In doing so, I am going to care for him as any wife would. I do not want you to lay a hand on him ever again.”

“Miss Griffin, I’m afraid I don’t have any idea what you’re-”

“Let’s cut the bullshit Alexander, it’ll make everything easier.”

Alexander takes a deep breath, his cold green eyes taking in the blonde. Clarke can’t help the shiver she gets as his eyes trail her body.

“I see,” he says, picking up the phone, “Miss Knight, turn it off.”

Clarke can hear the woman on the other end of the line say “yes sir.” before it goes dead, him placing the phone back on the holder, turning to her.

“Please sit,” he says, gathering his paperwork and pushing it to the side.

Clarke sighs, but sits regardless, looking over at the man, not backing down.

“What do you want, Miss Griffin? Name it, and we can come to an agreement.”

Clarke takes a deep breath, looking the man directly in the eyes, trying to make her blue reflect the same level as coldness as his, but knowing hers can never be as cold as his.

“I want you to never touch Axel again. He is honest with me, and I can document his injuries and make a case.”

“Don’t touch Axel, what else do you want?”

“If I convince Axel to leave the company, you will not sabotage him.”

“You’ll never get him to leave. This company is his life.”

“Then you’ll have nothing to lose by agreeing to these terms.”

Alexander nods, gesturing her to continue.

“I want our own house. I will not live under your roof, and I do not want Axel under it either.”

“Is that all?” Alexander questions, leaning forward.

“Yes.”

“I can grant you all of those, but I have a price.”

“I’m listening.”

“You will only take twenty percent when you divorce my son.”

“Done.”

“You will also, during your marriage, perform your duties. I prefer to have a grandson, but I know you cannot decide that, so I’ll be satisfied with a granddaughter if need be.”

Clarke bites the inside of her cheek.

“This is merely a business transaction, and I will not give things away for free,” Alexander says.

“You are asking a lot.”

“I’m not offering anything. You want a deal, I’ve set one out for you.”

“Not hitting your son and in return I’ll have to fuck him?”

“Is he not attractive enough? I know his last girl turned into a faggot, but I believe it was not due to him. I didn't want him dating her kind anyways.”

“Faggot? Her kind?” Clarke questions, biting the inside of her cheek again.

“She wasn't our kind, let's leave it at that. When she left him and went right to other girls. Slut, of course, all faggots are. Nonetheless, Axel has taken it to heart, not dating since then. I expect he is in need of release, and you are his wife. His needs are to be your needs. I am going to be funding your art, so think of it as your real job,” Alexander waves his hand, gesturing to nothing.

Clarke stands, taking a deep breath.

“I expect we have a deal?” he questions, standing from his chair.

“Yes sir,” she says, taking his hand.

“Pleasure Miss Griffin, or should I say Mrs Woods?”

“Not yet,” Clarke whispers, turning on her heel and walking out of the office.

* * *

“You didn’t,” Raven mumbles, her jaw dropping.

“I mean, it’s not like he’ll be expecting a child right away,” Clarke shrugs, taking another bite of her ice cream.

“You just let your father in law tell you to have sex,” Raven points out.

“I mean, we are going to be married. Axel is a man, I mean, I’m sure he’s expecting it anyways.”

Raven sighs, biting into her cone, “I mean, you’re not wrong.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Clarke mumbles, eating another spoonful.

“Don’t talk about sex while I’m eating,” Raven shoots back.

Clarke rolls her eyes.

“I thought you were all ‘Axel is different’ like yesterday though,” Raven mumbles.

Clarke shrugs, “I mean, he’s sweet and caring, but he’s still a man. I heard today how much of an asshole his father really is.”

“Oh?” Raven raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I guess his ex turned out to be gay, or bi. Left him and then started dating girls. I'm also guessing she wasn't white, or as he put it, 'not our kind'.”

“Sounds like a piece of shit. How can people think like that these days? And does Axel know you’re bi?”

Clarke shrugs, “I dunno how people can think like that anymore. Axel was eyeing my shirt the other night. You know, that ‘support LGBT’ tee?”

“Did he say anything about it?”

“No. When I asked, he just said my boobs looked good,” she shrugs.

“Well,” Raven looks down at Clarke’s chest, “Axel isn’t wrong, your boobs always look good.”

“Thanks babe,” Clarke shakes her head, blush covering her features nonetheless.

“Anytime,” Raven winks, causing Clarke to laugh.

“You’re just a dork,” Clarke playfully hits her.

“Smartest dork in the world,” Raven grins.

Clarke just shakes her head with a smile, taking another bite of her ice cream.

 _Maybe this is a good thing_.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Physical and Verbal Abusive

“Axel.”

Lexa looks up from the papers on her desk, her eyes meeting her father’s.

“Yes sir?” she questions, taking off her reading glasses.

He steps into her office, closing the door behind him. Lexa school her features into the usual look of indifference, flashes of the past times he’s entered her office run through her head. Times where Anya came in hours later to find her still on the floor. To find her in a puddle of her own blood with broken bones, not being able to walk on her own. 

“Your fiancée came to visit me today,” he says, looking around the office, not meeting her eyes

“Did she? She didn’t inform me of her visit,” Lexa says, knowing that’s what he’s asking.

“She expressed some extra wishes of hers.”

“Anything I should be informed of?” Lexa questions, not entirely sure what her father is hinting at. 

“No,” Alexander states, walking further into the office, leaning down into Lexa’s personal space, his hand roughly grabbing her chin.

Lexa stares forward, her eyes glossing over as he says something. She can’t hear him, can’t see him. Are her eyes closed? She doesn’t remember shutting them. 

“Worthless. How dare you think you’re worth anything?” he growls, causing her to flinch backwards, out of his grip, she knows that growl.

“How dare you?” Alexander yells, seemingly growing another foot as he rounds Lexa’s desk, his hand raised to strike her.

Lexa goes blank. She doesn’t feel anything, doesn’t hear anything. All she thinks about is how weak she is. If she hadn’t flinched, she would be fine. She should’ve listened instead of letting herself zone out. It’s been twenty six years, she should know better by now.

Alexander stands, straightening his tie, looking down at his only child with disgust evident on his face. Lexa lies on the floor, her lip busted and bleeding, bruises forming under her skin, her breathing shallow, most likely due to a broken rib or two. 

“Tell your fiancée to document this,” he spits before walking out of the room.

Lexa groans, rolling onto her back, although she doesn’t remember turning to her side, or even leaving the chair. 

The door opens again, causing Lexa to flinch, her hand coming down to grab at her chest, where it hurts to breath. Her eyes meet the cold blue of Nia Knight, who’s disgust is evident as she takes in Lexa’s form.

“Your father has granted you $900,000 to find a house. You are to take Miss Griffin with you to find a home, as per her request.” Nia states, leaving a folder on Lex’s desk and walking out without a glance back.

Lexa doesn’t move. She doesn’t think as she closes her eyes, focusing on the pain in her chest as she breathes, managing it. 

She doesn’t hear her door open. Doesn’t realize how many hours have passed until Anya is kneeling before her, a wet washcloth gently washing the dried blood off her face. Lexa doesn’t make a noise as she watches Anya take her in.

“Can you stand?” Anya questions.

“Yeah,” Lexa groans, moving to sit up.

Anya holds out her hands, helping Lexa get to her feet, trying to ignore the yelps of pain that fall out of Lexa’s mouth. Lexa cries out, falling into her chair with Anya’s help.

“I have to call Lincoln, I can’t get you out of here by myself,” Anya says.

Lexa lets her tears fall, no longer caring. The tears in Anya’s eyes getting to her.

“Please,” Lexa begs, although neither of them know what she’s begging for.

* * *

“So you wanna meet him?” Clarke questions, taking a sip of her coffee, if one can call the sugary mess she has coffee at all.

“Are you really asking if I want to meet your husband?” Octavia questions, raising an eyebrow as she takes a sip of her tea.

“I mean, when you put it like that, it sounds kinda stupid to ask,” Clarke blushes, sliding into a high bar stool.

“Well it is kinda stupid to ask,” Octavia shrugs, sliding into the seat across from Clarke.

“It’s weird to think about Axel like that. I barely know him,” she confesses.

“But you want to get to know him?” Octavia questions, raising her eyebrow suggestively.

Clarke can’t help the pink that coats her features, “maybe.”

Octavia opens her mouth to say something, but her eyes drift over Clarke’s shoulder.

“Oh, hottie?” Clarke questions, playfully kicking Octavia’s shin.

“You know it,” she grins, her eyes meeting the man she’s looking off, flashing him a bigger smile before looking back at Clarke.

“What he look like?” Clarke questions, having seen the whole interactive.

“He’s dark, tall, and handsome. Got a cute little mohawk thing going. Oh my gosh, he’s coming this way.”

Clarke turns, letting herself take in the man as he makes his final steps up to their table. His dark skin is flawless, as is his body.

“Hello. I’m sorry for being so forward, but you are gorgeous. I couldn’t help but notice that you girls are here all alone at eleven o’clock at night. Maybe I could give you my number, just in case you need some protection?” he grins, showing off perfectly white teeth, his eyes never leaving Octavia’s.

Octavia grins, leaning towards him, pushing her chest out a little bit. 

“I don’t think we need protection, but I will take your number. Maybe I can find other uses for it,” she flirts, letting her eyes fall to his body.

The sound of a phone ringing cuts them off. He offers a look of apology before he takes out his phone, stepping away as he answers.

Clarke and Octavia don’t mean to eavesdrop, but it’s hard to not listen in when there’s only five people in the coffee shop at all.

“Her dad did what? … Yeah, I’ll be there in a bit… Her fiancée probably mentioned it. Fucking idiot…”

Clarke’s blood runs cold at that comment, causing her to miss the rest of his conversation. 

“My apologies, I have to run,” he says as he rushes out of the building, giving Octavia a sad glance over his shoulder.

“Awh, I liked him,” Octavia pouts.

Clarke ignores her, taking out her phone and texting.

“What are you doing babe?” Octavia questions, “Who needs to be text at eleven thirty at night?”

“That guy said something about a fiancée saying something stupid. Maybe I said something stupid to Mr Woods.”

“Um, what are the odds that random guy knows Axel? Plus, that guy said ‘her fiancée’, so don’t worry about it.”

Clarke sighs, putting her phone down, “I mean, I guess you’re right.”

“It’s never good to text someone this late. Just text him tomorrow,” Octavia says.

“I guess you’re right,” Clarke sighs, ignoring the bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.

* * *

_ Hey ik this is kinda odd, but for some reason im worried about you. Can you maybe text me whenever you get up so ik youre good? I just have a bad feeling _

Lexa rereads the text a few times, checking to make sure it came from Clarke. It came from Clarke at exactly 2:42 am, to be exact. 

Lexa glances at the clock, knowing at the blonde is most likely asleep at six in the morning, but typing out a reply anyways.

_ I got mugged last night on my way home. I had to call my friend to help me home, but I made it. Some good news though, I am happy to invite you to go house shopping. We can go whenever you have time and check out houses in the area. I await your response. _

Lexa ignores the guilt from lying as she pushes send. It’s better to lie than to let Clarke think she caused pain. She’s allowing Lexa to move out, something she’s wanted for years, she’s pure and better than anything Lexa has had in years.


	8. Chapter 8

“Good morning,” Lexa says, her eyes quickly taking in her wife-to-be, her blonde hair spilling out of her beanie tastefully, her lips painted a dark shade of red.

“Morning, sorry I’m late,” Clarke says, taking a sip of her coffee.

Lexa chuckles, “Not sorry enough to get me a coffee too I see,” she teases.

Clarke rolls her eyes, a small smile showing itself.

“I’d think a rich man like you would have his coffee first thing in the morning,” she rolls her eyes.

Lexa bites the inside of her cheek at the use of that word, but ignores it, instead grabbing Clarke’s coffee, faking taking a sip. Clarke’s mouth falls open, gapping at Lexa’s bold move. Lexa looks up, laughing at the look of shock on Clarke’s face.

“Here, I’m kidding. I didn’t drink any,” Lexa smiles, offering the coffee back to the blonde.

“Asshole,” Clarke says, lightly hitting Lexa’s arm, causing Lexa to chuckle again.

“Alright, are you ready?” Lexa questions, grabbing Clarke’s hand in hers, effectively stopping the playful hits.

“Sure,” Clarke says, weaving her fingers in with Lexa’s.

Lexa raises an eyebrow at the blonde, green eyes meeting blue, then nodding down to their joined hands.

“What? We’re getting married Axel, we should act like we at least like each other,” Clarke defends.

Lexa smirks, bringing the back of Clarke’s hand to her lips, “there is no acting, niron.”

Clarke’s cheeks turn pink, but she ignores it “niron?” she questions.

“Sha, niron,” Lexa mumbles, ignoring Clarke’s confusion as she pulls her into the building of their real estate agent.

* * *

“So, how many bedrooms are we looking to have?” their red-headed agent questions.

Lexa looks at Clarke, then to their joined hands.

“Um, I don’t know. Two or three?” Clarke questions, looking at Lexa for approval.

Lexa chuckles at the appalled look on the woman's face, gently giving Clarke’s hand a squeeze.

“With your price range, we are looking more into five or six bedrooms, ma’am,” she says, not looking up at the blonde or the brunette.

“Oh, wow.” Clarke mumbles, looking down.

“Think wild Clarke, money is no objective. What do you want, in your wildest dreams?” Lexa says, her other hand coming to cover the back of Clarke’s turning so she’s facing Clarke completely.

“I’ll give you two a moment alone,” the agent mumbles, getting up and leaving the room.

“Wow. I knew you guys were rich, but I honestly didn’t even think about living in such a huge place. Like, my dream is just a really nice apartment.”

“Well, now it’s time to make even wilder dreams. You want a bedroom to be a studio, right?”

Clarke nods.

“Do you like to swim? We can have a pool. Be on a lake. Go boating. Hot tub. We can make anything you want, okay?”

“A pool would be cool,” Clarke says, watching Lexa’s hand caress the back of hers.

“A pool, okay. We’ll go and see a few, then we can decide later. Let you get used to the idea.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

* * *

“Oh geez,” Clarke whispers, blue eyes scanning the large open area of the house.

“This is on the lower end of the budget, with five bedrooms right now, a possible seven. Four and a half bedrooms. A total of twenty rooms, of which I will let you explore on your own. Once you guys are finished, I’ll meet you outside. It does have a gorgeous pool and such. Have fun.”

“Wow, this is amazing,” Clarke says, looking around.

“I think the floor is ugly, myself,” Lexa says, looking down at the tiled floor.

“I guess, but it’s huge,”  Clarke says, walking into the other room.

“It’s not astounding,” Lexa says, looking at the dining room.

“It is for someone who isn’t rich,” Clarke says, walking past Lexa, into the living room.

“But we are rich Clarke. The tile is ugly, I will not be living in a house with ugly tile.”

“We can change the tile if it bothers you that much,” Clarke says, walking past Lexa again, to the open kitchen, “holy shit Axel, look at this kitchen.”

“The table is weird, why not have a bar instead?” Lexa wonders aloud, at the small table build into the side of the island.

“They might have had kids, who knows? Are you going to be pointing out the bad parts the whole time?”

“I don’t see us in this house is all,” Lexa says, following Clarke up the stairs.

Clarke rolls her eyes, looking into bedroom after bedroom, not commenting on any of them.

“So what do you think?” Lexa questions as they are walking down the stairs again.

“You don’t like it.”

“I asked what you think of it,” Lexa sighs.

“I like it. A few things I can see changing, but it’s nice,” Clarke confesses, taking Lexa’s hand in hers again.

“It’s okay, I would like to see more too,” Lexa says as they come to their agent.

* * *

“Now this looks like a rich person home,” Clarke says as they pull up the the waterfront property.

“That wall looks dangerous,” Lexa points out, the side yard ending in a drop to the rocky coastline.

“That’s what a fence is for,” Clarke says, getting out of the car.

“This one is a beautiful five bedroom, six bathroom. Fully handicapped accessibility with an elevator to all floors. The top floor can be a guest floor if needed, as it has its own entrance, kitchen and bathroom. A total of fifthteen rooms, a deck, porch and patio. I think you’ll both enjoy this one, even with the retaining wall,” their agent explains cheerfully.

“Thank you,” Lexa says, walking behind Clarke as she explores the large house.

Lexa just watches as Clarke takes in the house, room after room. A beautiful white fireplace, white kitchen cabinets and a deck overlooking the pool. Lexa bites her bottom lip, leaning against one of the railings, her hand coming to her ribs, pain radiating through her ribs.

“Are you okay?” Clarke questions, blue eyes taking in the brunette.

“I’m good, what do you think of this one?” Lexa questions, standing up with no problem.

“I like this one better. We’ll have to go shopping and fill the empty rooms. The bathtub seems amazing.”

“Sounds like you want it,” Lexa teases.

“Maybe. April said she had one more place to show us though,” Clarke says, looking down from the deck to the lake.

“Okay, let's go find her then.”

* * *

“Wow,” Lexa mumbles as they walk into the front room, green eyes taking in the wall of windows, looking straight out to the lake.

“This is a steal, just put on the market yesterday. Five bedrooms, four and a half baths, completely beautiful throughout. There is also a pool house with a bathroom. The yard is fenced in, along with a pool. There is also an intercom throughout the house, along with a first class security system. I really think you two are going to love this one,” she says with a hopeful smile to the couple.

“We’ll take it,” Clarke says.

“Clarke, we haven’t-”

“I want it, put in an offer now,” Clarke cuts her off, already seeing herself painting in the scene before her, the beautiful sky from the windows.

* * *

“So, are you hungry?” Lexa questions as they walk out of the building, having put on offer on 13 Arkadia Drive.

“Is that a real question?”

“I know this great little italian place just across-”

“There’s a pizza place five blocks from here,” Clarke cuts her off, joining their hands and pulling Lexa along.

“I don’t usually-”

“Have pizza?”

“Go out for food. I usually have take-out if I don’t eat at home.”

“Well, let’s change that Axel,” Clarke shrugs.

* * *

_Wher u?_

Lexa rolls her eyes at Anya’s text, putting her phone to the side as she takes in the blonde across from her.

“You can answer your phone, I don’t mind,” Clarke says, taking out her own.

“I didn’t want to be rude,” Lexa says, texting out a reply.

“You are honestly the least rude person I’ve ever met. Except when you stole my coffee,” Clarke squints, pointing her fork at Lexa, “if you ever do that again, I will end you.”

Lexa chuckles at the blonde, not threatening in the slightest. Her phone going off again pulls her out of the moment.

_Prove it send pic_

“Here you go,” their waiter says, putting a pizza in between them.

“Thank you,” Clarke flashes him a smile, digging into the pizza without a moment of hesitation.

Lexa smirks, taking a picture of Clarke, who looks up at the right time, giving a small smirk.

“What is that for?” Clarke questions.

“My friend doesn’t believe you really exist, I’m proving her wrong.” Lexa says, saving the picture instead of sending it, instead texting Anya to fuck off.

“You could’ve gotten a better picture if you would ask for one,” Clarke says, taking a sip of her drink.

“I’d rather have the real thing,” Lexa winks, taking a bite of her pizza.

“You couldn’t handle it,” Clarke says, licking her lips seductively.

Lexa blinks, her mouth falling open, “I uh… Yeah,” she mumbles, looking down at her pizza, stuffing it in her mouth.

Clarke laughs, “Axel, you are so fucking cute. I don’t understand.”

Lexa blushes, chewing the pizza she stuffed in her mouth.

“I’m sorry, I’ll stop,” Clarke chuckles, grabbing Lexa’s hand anyways, her thumb sweeping across the back of Lexa’s hand, “I just can’t believe that you aren’t a total dick. I might be getting a great deal out of this.”

“I know I’m getting a better one,” Lexa whispers, not looking up from the pizza.

“We can both get a great deal out of our parent’s deals.”

Green eyes connect with blue, the owners of them feeling a pull in their chests.

“Sha niron,” Lexa whispers.


	9. Chapter 9

“Anya, are you kidding me?” Lexa whines.

“Lincoln wants to go look for his mystery girl. It’s the hottest bar in town,” Anya says, not looking up as she applies her eye liner.

“Why do I have to go?” Lexa questions, glaring the the blonde.

“To support Lincoln in his quest for love. Plus, I need a DD,” Anya shrugs, putting down her eyeliner.

“What if I wanted to drink,” Lexa questions, crossing her arms.

“Ha! You’re funny Lex,” Anya says dryly, puckering her lips as she applies a dark red lipstick.

“Fuck you,” Lexa mumbles.

“Go find something else to wear.”

Lexa looks down at her dark green dress shirt and black slacks.

“What’s wrong with this?”

Anya rolls her eyes.

“You look like you’re ready for some business, not some biz-ness,” Lincoln jokes as he walks into the bathroom, “now I gotta pee, can you move?”

“Biz-ness. What is this, 2008?” Anya says, putting her lipstick in the cabinet.

“I think I’m funny,” Lincoln defends, shooing them both out of the bathroom.

“I think you’re both in need of something new,” Lexa says as the door closes behind them.

“Says the one who hasn’t told a joke in years.”

“Fuck off,” Lexa pushes her playfully.

“Asshole,” Anya punches her shoulder.

“Ow!” Lexa yells dramatically, clutching the spot on her shoulder, already feeling the bruise forming.

“Girls, please,” Lincoln jokes, playfully separating them as he comes out of the bathroom.

Lexa can’t stop the smile that spreads across her face at the small comment, her heart feeling warm.

“Go get ready,” Anya orders, pushing Lexa towards her bedroom.

“I am ready! I just wanted to come over and watch some HGTV and eat some-”

“We’re going and finding the love of Lincoln’s life!”

“Hey! I just said she’s cute and I’d like to get to know-”

“Let’s go, dumb saps.”

Lexa and Lincoln both roll their eyes, then share a smile before following Anya out of the apartment.

* * *

“Oh my god,” Octavia says, almost dropping her beer.

“What?” Raven questions, looking to the door where a group of people is entering.

“Clarke! Look, it’s him!” Octavia says, pointing to them.

Clarke looks up, her eyes immediately meeting green.

“How do you know?” Clarke questions, not looking away from Lexa.

“What?! How do I know? I’ve been at every bar every night since we saw him at the cafe!” she says, slapping Clarke’s shoulder.

Lexa breaks eye contact, turning to saw something to her companions, which breaks Clarke from her trance, finally noticing the much taller, much bigger, black man who is walking with Lexa.

“Oh,” she whispers, looking down, stirring her mixed drink, a blue hawaii.

“What one do you know?” Raven questions, looking at the blonde girl with them.

“That’s Axel,” Clarke whispers, taking a sip of her drink.

“Your husband’s here? And you aren’t introducing us?!” Octavia questions, glancing towards the group, that is now ordering drinks at the bar.

“He hasn’t come and said hi yet,” Clarke defends, glancing at Lexa, taking in his dark green shirt with the sleeves rolled up and black slacks.

“Does he always dress like that?” Raven questions.

“Like what?”

“So, nice?”

“He’s the only son of the CEO of Woods Inc, what do you think?” Clarke chuckles.

“Oh shit, here they come,” Octavia comment, watching as the three walk over to the booth where the girls are sitting.

“Hi,” Octavia grins, standing up, her eyes only on Lincoln.

“Hi. I’m afraid I never got your name before. Or your number,” Lincoln says, ending it with a huge smile.

“Let’s see how good of a dancer you are, then we can decide if you earn it,” Octavia grins, grabbing his hand and dragging him to the dance floor, huge smiles on both of their faces.

“Great, he wouldn’t shut up about her,” Anya says, sliding into the booth next to Raven, “I’m Anya,” she then looks at Clarke, “You’re going to marry that idiot I guess, so that just leaves…” she turns to Raven, raising an eyebrow, “you.”

“Anya!”

“I’d pick you first anyways,” Anya smirks, her dark eyes trailing up and down the Latina’s body.

“What a mouth,” Raven grins, letting her eyes wander the blonde’s features, “I think we can find better uses for it.”

“I think we might need to leave the married couple alone,” Anya suggests, earning her a grin.

“Anya!”

“Raven!”

The soon to be married couple watches as their friends leave them alone. Lexa coughs, looking down.

“So uh, these seats taken?” she asks, offering a shy smile.

Clarke can’t help her smirk, rolling her eyes as she watches the brunette sit down across from her.

“So, what brings you here?” Clarke questions, watching as Lexa shuffles awkwardly in the seat.

“I uh, Lincoln wanted to find your friend,” Lexa mumbles, looking down into her cup of scotch.

Clarke sighs, looking at Lexa thoughtfully.

“Hey,” Clarke whispers, leaning across the table and putting her hand over Lexa’s.

“I can see you’re uncomfortable here. Do you want to go? I won’t get upset or anything.”

“I’m fine Clarke,” Lexa says, taking a deep breath and setting up her mind. Her face goes to the cold indifference that is normal for her.

“Hey,” she whispers again, her thumb running over the back of Lexa’s knuckles, “I want to go home. Will you take me home, please?”

Lexa’s facade breaks, her face becoming one of genuine concern.

“I didn’t ruin your-”

“Not at all Axel, I’d just rather be at home, watching some TV,” Clarke cuts her off, standing up.

“I’d be more than happy to take you home, just let me find Anya and tell-”

“Come on, you can text her from the car, let them wonder for a second,” Clarke grins, pulling Lexa out of the booth.

“Okay,” Lexa grins, loving the small laugh Clarke lets out as they dip out of the bar, both feeling the states from their friends.

 


	10. Chapter 10

“Come in,” Clarke questions from her doorway.

“I really shouldn’t, I-”

“Come on,” Clarke cuts her off, “we can just watch some TV. They can text one of us when they need a ride home.”

“I mean,” Lexa sighs, looking to the ground and scratching the back of her neck.

“Please?” Clarke questions, blue eyes connecting with green, pleading.

Lexa sighs, feeling a tug inside her chest, one she hasn’t felt since Costia and refuses to name.

“Okay,” she mumbles, following Clarke into the small apartment.

“We need to talk a bit more anyways,” Clarke says, slipping off her shoes, causing Lexa to do the same.

“About what?” she questions, following Clarke.

“You want something to drink? I’ll grab it, you go sit on the couch.”

“A water would be nice, thank you,” Lexa says, sitting down on the couch, leaning against the arm, her hand coming up to the side of her chest.

“Are you in pain?” Clarke questions as she takes Lexa in.

“I’m fine,” Lexa says automatically, her hand snapping to her lap as she sits up, pretending nothing is hurting.

“Axel,” Clarke says, setting a glass of water in front of Lexa as she sits down next to her, “I distinctly remember you promising not to lie to me anymore. Now, I know that you didn’t get mugged, but I’m letting you lie to me about that-”

“I did-”

“I can see that you are in pain Axel. Don’t lie to me.”

Lexa sighs, deflating, grabbing the glass of water to distract herself, not being able to stop her sharp intake of breath when she stretches.

“Now, what hurts?” Clarke questions, watching Lexa intently.

“My ribs. I think they got broken... when I got mugged.”

Clarke rolls her eyes at the added comment, but watches as Lexa takes a sip. Lexa leans forward to put the glass back down, but Clarke grabs it instead. Green eyes snap to blue.

“I’ll get you some pain killers,” Clarke whispers, leaning forward to put the glass on the table, getting up.

“No,” Lexa whispers, her hand reaching out and grabbing Clarke’s forearm roughly without a thought, which causes Clarke to freeze.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Lexa says, immediately releasing Clarke as if she was on fire, “I didn’t mean to grab you. I just, I’m sorry. I don’t take pain killers, they make me feel weird.”

“Axel,” Clarke says, looking down at where Lexa just grabbed her. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll just,” Lexa gets up, headed straight to the door.

“Axel, hey,” Clarke rushes after her, gently touching her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I just… I-” she flinches, grabbing her side, taking a sharp breath.

“Here, just go sit back down, okay?” Clarke whispers, stepping in front of Lexa.

“I,” Lexa winces, “I grabbed you. I should leave.”

“Hey,” Clarke says, her hand gently raising Lexa’s chin so their eyes meet, “I trust you, okay? Go sit back down, I’ll get you some pain killers. You can stay here tonight if you feel funny, okay?”

Lexa tries to take a deep breath, to gather her strength and leave anyways, but another sharp pain in her side forces her to give in. She slowly makes her way back to the couch, watching as Clarke rushes to the bathroom. Lexa shakes her head at her thoughtlessness, her carelessness.

“Klark,” she whispers, looking up at the blonde, “I am so sorry. I will not-”

“It’s okay Axel, it was a reaction, I get it,” Clarke whispers, handing her two pills.

“I don’t want it to be a reaction,” she whispers, taking the pills and throwing them in her mouth, swallowing them easily.

“Axel,” Clarke sighs, sitting down next to Lexa, “Can I hold your hand? Just for a second?”

Green eyes widen at the request, but she offers her hand nonetheless. Clarke intertwines their fingers easily, blue eyes focusing on the back of Lexa’s hands.

“Has anybody ever told you that you have really long fingers?” Clarke whispers, comparing their fingers.

Lexa can’t help her chuckle, which causes a sharp pain in her side, causing her to wince.

“I’m sorry, I just, god. Axel, this is so odd,” Clarke confesses, “I don’t know what to do with you. I’ve never gotten married before, and I never thought it’d be for some business deal. Then when I did accept it, I thought I’d be getting some gross and sleazy daddy’s boy that gets whatever he wants all the time. And you’re not. You’re kind and awkward and blush all the time and get super in your head about nothing. You’re not like any guy I’ve ever met. And I trust you. Even if you don’t trust yourself Axel. You’re nothing like your father, and I want you to know that, okay? You aren’t going to be like him.”

Lexa sighs, conflicting thoughts going off in her head. 

_ You’re not like any guy because you’re not a guy. You’re going to be just like your father. You can tell her the truth. You can’t even stop yourself from grabbing her. She can’t trust you. You can’t trust her. You’re wrong. You’re bad. It’s wrong.  _

Lexa closes her eyes, trying to get her thoughts under control.

“Let’s talk about the wedding? Is that okay?” Clarke questions, noticing Lexa going into her head.

“Yeah,” Lexa nods, shaking her thoughts away.

“So I’m guessing your two friends were the ones you’d want to come to the wedding?” Clarke questions.

“Yes. The two with you were the same?”

“Yeah. So we have a total of four people we care about being there.”

“Yup.”

“Wanna go tomorrow?” Clarke questions.

“Tomorrow?” Lexa questions, eyes widening at the suddenness of the suggestion.

Clarke shrugs, “Why not? What are we waiting for?”

“We’re waiting because…” Lexa blanks.  _ Why are they waiting? _

“That’s what I thought. Why not just go down tomorrow with all our friends and get married? The house should be closing soon, and it’ll make it so we don’t have to spend a ton of money on this or that.”

Lexa bites the inside of her cheek, “I’ll have to talk with father.”

Clarke sighs, “that might be the best thing to do. But he can’t tell my mom, she’ll kill me if I married without her there.”

“Well then we can’t. I can’t have my mother-in-law hating me.”

“Axel, come on. She won’t hate-”

_ Buzz-buzz _

The sound of a phone going off cuts off Clarke, along with the feeling of her ass vibrating. Within a second Lexa’s phone does the same.

“I’m guessing that’s out friends looking for their DDs,” Lexa says, standing up.

“Hey, sit back down,” Clarke orders, pulling Lexa down gently by their still joined hands, “they can get an Uber.”

“I told Anya I’d-”

“I don’t care, I’m your wife, so I trump best friend.”

“Urg. Don’t use that word.”

“What word?”

“Trump,” Lexa spits, as if it was some racist word, or disgusting, like moist.

Clarke chuckles, giving her hand a squeeze, “Come on, you look tired, let’s go to bed.”

“Go to bed? Together?” Lexa questions, letting Clarke lead her to the bedroom anyways.

“You got a problem with sharing a bed?” Clarke questions as they enter her room.

“No?”

“I mean, I am going to be your wife, so.”

“You aren’t obligated to share a bed with me, or do anything with or for me, because we’re married,” Lexa says.

“You look tired Axel. I can’t let you sleep on the couch, so just, please, lie down.”

Lexa bites the inside of her cheek, looking down at herself.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have anything for you to wear. I might have some boxers that might fit you, I can go look for-”

“No, I can sleep in this,” Lexa says, looking at her dress shirt and slacks.

“You can take off your shirt at least Axel, I promise I won’t judge your, what appears to be, perfectly sculpted body,” Clarke jokes, grabbing some clothes from her dresser for her to change into.

“I’m good,” Lexa mumbles, climbing into Clarke’s bed.

“Axel, you can’t be serious. You can’t really sleep in your clothes.”

“I said I’m fine Clarke,” Lexa says, turning on her side, ignoring the pain.

“You are something else Axel,” Clarke whispers to herself, going to the bathroom to change. 

When she comes back, she finds Lexa already fast asleep. She climbs into bed behind her and falls asleep quickly, ignoring the feeling for warmth in her chest. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Mostly for my trans readers. Lexa has morning wood in this chapter, which may cause some dysphoria for you! Please be aware of your own emotions and skip down to "Father" if you think it will trigger you!  
> It is slightly smutty without smut, if that makes any sense.

Lexa groans, swallowing the spit in her mouth before digging deeper into the warmth in her arms. She sighs, her hand gently squeezing the softness in it. Slowly she falls back into the darkness of sleep.

* * *

Clarke growls, her body automatically stretching out. Her body tenses on its own. She cracks an eye open, looking down at the hand groping her breast, feeling a body behind her. It takes a moment before she remembers what happened last night, making her tension release.

She sinks further into the warm embrace, feeling the body of the one she’s going to marry behind her. A hand cups her bra-less breast through the oversized tee-shirt she has on. She’s wearing some boxers, and she can feel an extra appendage from the body behind her on her ass. Biting her bottom lip, she takes a risk, gently covering Lexa’s hand with her own. She weaves her fingers through Lexa’s, gently cupping her breast. It’s not sexual in any way, just a nice extra warmth. Slowly Clarke drifts back into the darkness.

* * *

“ASSHO-” Raven chokes on her spit, swallowing the rest of the shout as she takes in the scene before her.

Dark eyes take in Clarke’s mussed hair and a large hand covering her breast. Raven watches with wide eyes, waiting to see if she disturbed either of them. The body behind her best friend moves, causing Raven to flee the room. She closes the door and takes out her phone to text her newest contact about where her friend might be.

* * *

Lexa groans, feeling a tightness in her lower region. A tightness that can be easily removed with only one thing, a release. Her hips move on their own, gently humping what she supposes is a pillow in between her legs. She sighs, slowly waking up as she works closer to a release.

“Axel,” a deep gravelly voice causes her to freeze, her heart beating a mile a minute. The voice is close, coming from the supposed pillow, and it is not one of her parents.

“I think we gotta get married before I allow you to rub one out on my backside,” Clarke says before stretching, letting out a high pitched sigh.

Lexa swallows, eyes wide as she takes in the blonde in her arms, still frozen.

“I guess coping a feel isn’t too bad though,” Clarke whispers, letting out another sigh as she relaxes into the bed.

Lexa’s jaw drops, now realizing her hand is cupping Clarke’s breast. In a panic, instead of taking her hand off, she squeezes instead. Clarke moans quietly, her hips rolling back on their own, causing her ass to rub Lexa.

Lexa gasps, jerking backwards. Too far backwards, causing her to fall off the bed, hitting the floor on her back.

“Axel!” Clarke says, quickly crawling to the side of the bed, looking down at Lexa.

“Shit,” Lexa whispers, looking up at the ceiling.

“Are you okay?” Clarke questions, looking down at the brunette.

“Yeah, sorry,” she mumbles, sitting up.

“Are you sure you’re okay Axe?” Clarke questions, blue eyes full of concern as Lexa sits up.

“Lex.” she whispers.

“What?” Clarke questions.

“I’m fine,” Lexa says, standing up and looking down at her body, “Um, where is your bathroom?”

“First door on the left,” Clarke says, pointing to the door to the hallway.

“Okay.”

Clarke watches as Lexa walks out, letting out a sigh as she flops back into bed.

“So, someone’s got company and didn’t let anybody else know?” Raven questions from the doorway, having just saw Lexa head to the bathroom.

“We were tired Rae. We just went to sleep,” Clarke mumbles, not bothering to look at the girl.

“Really? When I came in I saw him groping you and humping your ass,” Raven says, only half lying.

“He was asleep. Axel would never do that if he was really awake. He fell out of bed and onto his ass to get away from me, so shut your trap.”

Raven smirks, typing out the new found information to send to her new ‘friend’ as she walks away, making sure to flash Lexa a knowing smile as they pass in the hallway.

“So uh, I’m going to go,” Lexa says, standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“You don’t have to, we could have breakfast or something,” Clarke says, sitting up.

“I uh… I’ve got stuff to do at work,” Lexa lies, her eyes taking in the way Clarke’s tee-shirt is showing off her bare shoulder, the small patch of wetness on her bright blue boxers.

Clarke sighs, flopping backwards “okay.”

“I’ll talk to my father about pushing up our wedding today. I’ll text you,” Lexa says, tearing her gaze away from the wet spot in between Clarke’s thighs before turning on her heel and leaving.

“Later stud,” Raven calls from the couch as Lexa walks out.

* * *

“Father,” Lexa questions, walking into his office to find him looking out the window.

“Son,” Alexander says, turning to look at Lexa.

His eyes cold enough to send a chill down Lexa’s spine.

“I was talking to Clarke last night and she expressed a wish to get married as soon as possible, with only her closest friends in attendance.”

“I don’t see how this concerns me,” Alexander says, sitting down at his desk, “I do not want to hear your problems at work Axel. I’ve taught you this.”

“Of course sir, I wanted to know if I had your blessing to marry her in such a ceremony. It is a business arrangement, so I am unsure if it needs to be public or not. I only wished to consult you before I gave her an answer,” Lexa says, trying to be strong yet not offend her father.

“The marriage is business, how it happens I do not care. Do you have anything else? Anything work related, perhaps?”

“I do have some quarterly reports that require your signature by next saturday. I gave them to Miss Knight last Monday, and I am unsure if you have seen them yet or not.”

“I have not, I will ask her about them. Is that all?”

“Yes sir,” Lexa bows her head, walking out of the room without a glance back.

“Sir,” Harper greets her.

“Miss McIntyre,” Lexa says calmly, a wave of her hand inviting her to follow into the personal office.

“April Avery called, the homeowners accepted your offer. She is waiting for you to call so you can sign some final paperwork. I suggested she come here for your five o’clock on Friday, as that is when you are free.”

“Thank you, I will inform Clarke of this,” she says, taking out her phone.

“First name basis already?” Harper questions, raising an eyebrow.

“She is going to be my wife. I should call her by her name,” Lexa says, looking at Harper.

“Of course sir, I am merely pointing out that you enjoy to be formal with everybody. She must be something to have you calling her by her name already.”

“She’s special.”

“That is the first thing you’ve said in years that I truly believe,” Harper says before walking out.

“Rude,” Lexa whispers to herself, looking down at the documents on her desk, getting to work.


	12. Chapter 12

“So you’ve got a house now?” Octavia questions from her spot on Clarke’s bed as the blonde walks in from the bathroom in just a towel, Octavia’s focus on the phone in her hands.

“Going to sign for it,” Clarke explains, shutting the door behind her and throwing the towel into the pile on clothes near the door.

“Wear your black lace,” Octavia suggests, smiling at her phone.

“Why?” Clarke questions, looking at the brunette on her bed.

“It’ll make you feel richer. Plus, who knows. Maybe Axel will like it,” she jokes, sending a flirty wink to the nude blonde.

Clarke chuckles, “I’m sure Axel will have no idea,” she says, digging through her drawers to find the black lacey set anyway.

“We’ll be matching,” Octavia giggles, pulling down one side of her tank top to show off her own black lace bra.

“Aw, we’ll be twinsies,” she grins, pulling on the black panties, “Although, I bet you’re wearing them for another use.”

“You bet I am,” she giggles again, snapping a picture of the upper half of her body, her tank top pulled down, letting out one lace covered breast.

“Are you sexting on my bed?” Clarke questions as she snaps her bra on.

“Umm… Not yet?”

“Help me pick out an outfit first, freeloader.”

“Urg!” Octavia sighs, rolling out of bed, leaving her phone behind as she walks past Clarke and into her closet.

“I was thinking-”

“Here, this is perfect,” she cuts the blonde off, throwing a dress at Clarke.

“This?” Clarke questions, looking at the dress that is made to look like a sparkly white top, and a black skirt.

“It’s professional,” Octavia shrugs, flopping back on the bed.

“Okay. So you and Lincoln? You guys?” Clarke grins, moving her eyebrows suggestively. 

“Not yet,” she blushes, grabbing her phone.

“Really?” Clarke questions, pulling the dress on.

“He has a six date rule,” she confesses, blushing coating her cheeks.

“That’s so fucking cute,” Clarke gushes.

“It’s fucking annoying,” Octavia whispers, “Like, look at this!”

Octavia pushes her phone into Clarke’s face, showing off a picture of Lincoln. Lincoln is obviously post workout, shirtless and showing off his six-pack with a red hat on, and earbuds going from his phone to his ears. His grey sweats sit low on his hips, his shirt hanging off of them, covering where a bulge would be, his boxers logo sitting right at the top of his hips, just giving the outline of his V cut.

“He sends me shit like this, and makes me want to lick every inch of-”

“Okay O, I think I got the image,” Clarke jokes, pushing the phone away.

“He’s such a fucking gentleman. I can’t wait to find out how he is in bed. He’s probably-”

“Octavia!”

* * *

Lexa rolls her eyes as her best friend walks out of her office bathroom, her face flushed and hair a mess.

“You could’ve called and told me you were busy,” Lexa says, taking in the robe the blonde wears.

“I was a little occupied,” Anya smirks, walking to the small fridge.

“I can tell,” she says, watching the blonde chug a bottle of water.

“You’ll do great babe. Just be yourself,” Anya says, patting Lexa’s shoulder, “now if you excuse me, I have some more business to get to.”

“You’re gross, you should at least lock the door,” Lexa suggests, heading to the door herself.

“Tell Clarke I said good luck!” Raven yells from the crack of the bathroom door.

Lexa can’t stop the blush from coating her cheeks as she closes the door behind her, grateful for the soundproof walls in the office on account of her friend.

* * *

Clarke takes a deep breath, looking up at the towering building with her soon-to-be last name on it. She looks down at her phone, making sure she isn’t late, and hasn’t gotten a text back from Raven.

“Ready,” she whispers to herself before walking into the building. 

“Hello, how can I help you today?” the man behind the counter questions, his grey eyes glancing over Clarke’s outfit quickly before looking her in the eye.

“I’m here for Axel,” Clarke says shyly, not liking the look the man is giving her, making her skin crawl like he  _ knows  _ she shouldn’t be here, like she doesn’t belong. 

His eyebrows raise in obvious surprise, “I see,” he spits, voice dripping with disgust as he presses a button.

Clarke bites the inside of her cheek, waiting respectfully. 

“Mr. Woods will be out in a moment,” he says, turning around and ignoring the blonde.

Clarke rolls her eyes at his behavior, turning to the opening elevator door, the second one in a row of four.

“Clarke, thank you for coming,” Lexa greets respectfully.

“Of course,” Clarke can’t help her smile at the formalness, easily following Lexa into the elevator.

“I know you were probably busy,” Lexa rambles, awkwardly fiddling with her hands.

“I wasn’t,” she whispers, smirking as she watches Lexa fiddle as they wait for the elevator.

The doors open, revealing a blonde sitting at her desk.

“Oh, uh, Harper.”

“Yes sir?” Harper says, looking up from her desk.

“Harper, this is Clarke. She’s going to be my wife. Clarke, this is Harper. She does all the hard work for me,” Lexa says.

“Pleasure to meet you,” Clarke smiles, taking Harper’s offered hand.

“I can see why Axel has been so taken by you. You are gorgeous,” Harper flirts, grinning as she lets her eyes travel down the other blonde’s body.

Clarke blushes, unsure of what to say.

“Harper,” Lexa warns, her cold eyes boring into hers.

Harper laughs, throwing her head back, “Sorry sir, I just had to see your reaction,” she confesses.

“Harper is an asshole,” Lexa says seriously as she opens the door to her office, “she’s lucky I like her, otherwise she’d be looking for another job.”

“Woods loves me,” Harper laughs as the door closes behind the couple before getting back to work, a small smile on her face.

“Does she flirt with all the girls you bring back here?” Clarke questions, looking at the huge office, taking in the desk at the end of the room, the table set up to the side, the small couch to the other side with a mini fridge.

Lexa sighs, thinking of her one and only ex, Costia. 

“It’s a complicated story,” Lexa whispers. 

“Because your ex likes girls too?” Clarke questions, watching Lexa intently.

“My ex is a lesbian. It’s a joke around the office that I turn girls into lesbians. My father promoted Harper to my personal assistant because she is already gay, and he doesn’t want to risk any of his other employees. One of the stipulations of her promotion was that she has to flirt with any female I bring into the office,” Lexa confesses.

“Is that legal?”

Lexa shrugs, walking over to the small fridge, “would you like something to drink?”

“A water please.”

“Harper was conflicted with such a deal and came to me about it. I suggested she take the promotion regardless. It’s not like her flirting with any girl I bring will lead to anything. She’s been with her girlfriend Zoe for about six years, not that she goes around telling people about it.”

Lexa hands Clarke a water, gesturing towards the table set up, “April should be here soon.”

“So, your ex is gay?” Clarke questions, sitting down.

Lexa sighs, flashes of Costia and her playing through her mind.

“Yes.”

“Does that scare you?” 

“No. Why would it?” Lexa questions, brows furrowing as she turns to look at Clarke.

Clarke shrugs, “I dunno. Your father said that’s why you don’t date anymore.”

“My father is a brilliant man, but he has no idea who I am.”  _ Nobody here does. Only Anya and Lincoln and… And Costia. _

“You’re telling me it didn’t bruise your ego?” Clarke questions, taking a sip of her water.

“Our relationship was… Complicated. She loved me and I loved her, but sometimes that isn’t enough.”

“My ex was terrible. He cheated on me, well, he cheated with me. He was with Raven when I met him.”

“That sounds messy. Speaking of Raven, she said good luck.”

“You saw her? She hasn’t responded to me all day.”

“She’s downstairs with Anya,” Lexa says, blush coating her features.

“Oh,” Clarke chuckles, “that explains a lot.”

“Yeah,” Lexa mumbles, jumping up when the intercom buzzes, letting her know someone else is about to come in.

“Hi! I’m so sorry for making you wait! My husband got paged into emergency surgery so I had to find a babysitter,” the redhead says as she walks in.

“That’s completely okay, I’m almost always late,” Clarke says, offering a smile to the girl.

“Alright, sorry again. I’ve got it all figured out and layed out for you in these papers,” she says, pulling out a folder of papers.

* * *

“Wow,” Clarke says, watching as April walks out.

“How does it feel? Being a homeowner?” Lexa questions, giving the blonde a small smile.

“I don’t know, doesn’t feel real yet.”

“Oh, I also needed to talk to you about something else.”

“You can just bring it up Axel, you don’t have to announce that you’re about to bring up something new,” Clarke smiles.

“Oh,” Lexa falters for a moment, “I guess I just, sometimes go into business mode.”

“It’s okay,” she whispers, gently covering Lexa’s hand with hers, “now, what did you want to say?”

Lexa stares at the pale hand covering hers for a moment, thoughts out the window.

“Axel?”

“Sorry,” Lexa mumbles, shaking her head.

“I uh,” she clears her throat, “I talked to my father about us having a small ceremony with just our friends. He said that how we get married is completely up to us. Big or small, he doesn’t have any wishes.”

“So we can go whenever we want to?” 

“Yes. I only have one request.”

“What is that?”

“You have to invite your mother.”

Clarke sighs dramatically, throwing her head back, “Really?”

“Yes.”

Clarke pouts, pushing out her bottom lip and crossing her arms. Lexa chuckles at her, an easy smile taking over her face, which causes Clarke to smile, breaking the scene.

“I like it when you smile,” Clarke whispers, leaning into the brunette playfully.

“I like it when you make me smile,” Lexa whispers, playfully pushing Clarke away.

“So, when are you free?” Clarke questions seriously.

“Pick a time and I’ll be there, okay?”

“What a man, clearing your schedule for your wife already,” Clarke jokes.

Lexa chuckles, looking at Clarke.

_ Thump Thump Thump Thump _ rings in Lexa’s ears as she looks at Clarke. She’s so close, eyes clear as the dead sea. Green eyes glance down to pink lips, her own lips falling open on their own. 

Clarke watches as a battles takes place in green eyes, the tension strong. Too strong to move a muscle, she is cursed to watch Lexa.

“Well,” Lexa clears her throat, breaking the tension, blush coating both of their cheeks, “I mean, what man doesn’t clear their schedule for their wedding?”

Clarke sighs, biting the inside of her cheek, disappointment filling her chest. 

“It’s getting late, have you eaten?” Lexa questions.

“I did before I came, thank you for asking.”

“Do you need a ride home?”

“I think I’ll go down and take Raven home. She owes me a ride,” Clarke says, standing up.

“Of course. Anya’s office is just two floors down,” Lexa says, standing up and following Clarke.

“Thank you Axel. I’ll text you,” Clarke says, gently grabbing Lexa’s forearm as a way of saying goodbye.

“Okay,” Lexa whispers, watching Clarke walk out. 

“Well fuck,” she whispers, taking out her phone and calling the only person she knows will understand. 

_ Costia. _


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER/TRIGGER WARNING:  
> Sorry for the spoiler, but it can be triggering in itself, especially for my trans readers (leave a comment below if your trans! :D )  
> There is a break up due to Lexa being trans. It is not hateful, in fact, it's very heartbreaking, but yeah. Don't read if you feel it might trigger you!

Lexa takes a deep breath, looking at the gold numbers 209 standing out from the blue door. Memories of the past flash through her mind, creating a heavy feeling in her chest. Gathering up her courage, she knocks. She can hear feet coming towards the door, so she takes another deep breath to prepare herself. 

The door swings open, revealing Costia in her natural state. Her dark brown curls stand up, creating an afro. Her white tee-shirt hands off her slim frame, contrasting her dark skin. 

“Hi Lex,” she greets, offering a small smile, her white teeth shining.

“Hello,” Lexa says, her focus going to the ground until she hears footsteps from inside, snapping her head up.

The new woman offers Lexa a polite smile before wrapping her arms around Costia from behind, her skin the same tone contrasted by her blonde hair.

“I’ll leave you two to it baby. Text me whenever you’re done,” the blonde whispers into Costia’s ear, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck before slipping past Lexa and out the door.

Costia sighs dreamily, watching her girl disappear. 

“So, she seems nice?” Lexa questions, awkwardness setting in.

Costia chuckles, rolling her eyes, “come in Lexa.”

Lexa does as she’s told, following Costia into the apartment, mentally taking note of the things that have changed. New pictures on the walls, bright accent pillows on the couch, a tablecloth on the table, a coffee table, and a new bookcase. She doesn’t say a word as she sits down, her eyes on the bright pillow next to her.

“Konia has definitely taken over,” Costia chuckles, looking at the things that have changed since Lexa’s been there. 

“Konia,” Lexa whispers, nodding to herself.

“Lexa, she’s so great. She’s sweet and caring and understanding and I don’t know how I functioned before her,” Costia says, smiling at a picture of Konia on the table.

Lexa swallows the bitter taste in her mouth, looking down at her hands.

“Lexa,” Costia whispers, easily taking Lexa’s hands in hers, “I will always love you. I promise you, nobody will ever touch my heart the way that you do sweetie.”

Lexa sniffles, tears falling already.

“I am so sorry honey. I wish things were different, but they aren’t. I’m in love with my beautiful fiancée. I can’t wait for someone to love you the way she loves me. I’m sorry I couldn’t-” Costia sniffles, choking on her words as tears run down her face.

“You couldn’t love me through this,” Lexa whispers, a sour taste in her mouth.

“I wish I could,” Costia whispers, pulling Lexa into a hug, “I wish I was strong enough Lex. You deserve the world,” she whispers into Lexa’s ear, her hand soothingly running through Lexa’s short hair.

“I don’t-”

“Shut up,” Costia orders, pulling away with a wet chuckle.

Lexa blinks away her tears, looking into the deep brown eyes she fell in love with so many years ago. Costia’s hand running through her hair, her brown eyes filled with tears, looking as beautiful as Lexa remembers from all that time ago. 

_ Lexa takes a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for the fight she is 100% sure that is about to occur as she opens the door to her girlfriend's apartment. She takes in the darkness, walking quietly and unsure, the grey couch and white walls bare of any decorations, as she walks towards their bedroom. _

_ “Cos?” Lexa calls as she cracks the door open. _

_ Her heart breaks at the scene before her, Costia drinking straight from a bottle of scotch, dressed in an expensive set of lingerie.  _

_ “Look who finally decided to show up,” Costia spits, grabbing a cigarette and lighting up. _

_ “Costia,” Lexa sighs, walking into the bedroom. _

_ “Don’t ‘Costia’ me! You said you’d be home at six for dinner, it is now three in the morning!” _

_ “I’m sorry,” Lexa whispers, looking to the ground. _

_ “You better be. Now come here and fuck me so hard I forget.” _

“ **Lexa** .”

She didn’t realize she was leaning in for a kiss, falling into her old ways. Their lips are only an inch apart and Costia’s eyes are shut.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa whispers, pulling away.

Costia’s hand travels down from the back of her neck, giving a light squeeze to her bicep, “me too.”

“So,” Lexa sniffles, wiping away her tears, “I had something else to tell you about.”

“You mean you didn’t come over just to cry about our past?” Costia jokes, letting out a wet chuckle as she wipes her own tears away.

“No, I didn’t. I came here to talk to you about my feelings. I mean, you were also the one I confided in, and I don’t know how to bring it up to anybody else,” Lexa explains.

“You have feelings? Since when?” she jokes, earning a small smile from Lexa.

“I uh…” she trails off.

“Tell me about her first?” Costia coxes, giving Lexa’s forearm an encouraging squeeze.

“She’s,” Lexa can’t stop her small smile, “she’s gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful Cos, inside and out. She’s so caring and always asking if I’m okay with this or that. She’s stubborn as a mule. I mean, she went to my father about…” Lexa trails off, “Cos, she’s so pure.”

“Does she know?” Costia questions, getting her question immediately by the way Lexa’s body tenses, “I’m sorry. What’s her name?”

“Klark.”

“She sounds good honey, what’s the problem?” 

“I uh… I think I like her…”

Costia raises an eyebrow, looking at the younger girl, waiting for something else.

…

“I don’t see the problem Lexa,” Costia says after a long pause.

“Well, uh,” Lexa blushes, scratching the back of her neck, “there’s also the fact I’m getting married to her… as a business arrangement… for my father… I’m like a sugar daddy or something.”

“Oh,” Costia says, processing the new information, “so you’re getting married because he told you to?”

Lexa shrugs, looking down at her hands.

“And you’re getting feelings for this girl?”

Lexa nods.

“Well, uh…” she struggles for words, “that’s… uh… gay.”

Lexa snorts, laughter falling out. Costia follows easily, their laughter getting rid of all the tension in the room.

“Okay, on a real note,” Costia says, taking Lexa’s hands in hers again, “look at me.”

Lexa takes a deep breath, her face of indifference falling into place as she prepares herself for anything.

“Ew, don’t make that face,” Costia complains, earning her an eye roll, “that’s better.”

Green eyes find brown as Costia takes a deep breath.

“Lexa. I love you so much, and you deserve the world. I say, go for it. Take the risk Lex, from how you talk about her, you like her. The worst thing that can happen is she doesn’t like you, so you’ll just be a sugar daddy. She might be worth is babe, she could be the one. I didn’t think I’d find Konia, but here I am. I took the risk and it paid off, and I can’t express how much I want you to find the same happiness Lexa.”

“I don’t deserve-”

“Don’t you dare say that bullshit Lexa. Your father is a pile of horseshit and so is everything that comes out of his mouth. You are beautiful Lexa. I hope someday you can realize it. Realize that you are worth the risk.”

Lexa rolls her eyes, untangling her hands from Costia, moving away from the woman, her mouth sour with unspoken words playing on the tip of her tongue, the memory of their breakup flashing before her eyes.

_ “I’m so fucking sick of this! Of being your dirty little secret!” Costia yells. _

_ “You aren’t my secret! You’re my girlfriend Cos! I don’t know what else you want me to do, I can’t-” _

_ “I’m a fucking lesbian Lexa! I’m dating a GIRL! I want to talk to my friends about my GIRLFRIEND!” _

_ “I’m sorry! I can’t change how I am with the snap of a few fingers!” Lexa yells back. _

_ “My friends can’t stand to fucking look at me! I can’t-” _

_ “How do you fucking think I feel?” Lexa spits, “I can’t do anything as myself! It’s Axel this or Axel that! They can’t even get my name right, let alone my gender. But yeah, I’m sure having your sexuality questioned is so fucking hard! Forgive me for not being born female.” _

_ “That’s not even what this is fucking about! You-” _

_ “Then tell me what it is about! I don’t know what the fuck you want from me! I love you so much it fucking hurts. I can’t change who I am. I’m a Woods. I work late and think about work all the time, it’s in my blood.” _

_ “I can’t do it anymore,” Costia whispers, mostly to herself. _

_ “Do what? Date me?” Lexa questions, anger still radiating in her voice. _

_ Costia takes a deep breath, tears falling. Brown eyes meet green, the sadness in them causes Lexa to lose her breath, all anger gone in an instant. _

_ “Baby?” Lexa questions, unsure. _

_ “I can’t do it Lexa. I’m sorry. I’m not-” her own sob cuts her off, “I’m a lesbian. I can’t be with you.” _

_ “Baby, I’m still me. I can, I can change. I can stop working over. I can-” _

_ “Lexa,” Costia sobs, her hand cupping Lexa’s face, “I love you so much, but I can’t do it anymore.” _

_ “Costia, I-I can change. I can-I can-” _

_ “I can’t be with you unless you come out Lexa. I can’t… I’m not strong enough.” _

_ “I’m a girl Cos, you know I am,” Lexa defends, tears falling. _

_ “I know Lex,” Costia sobs, her hand coming to Lexa’s chest, “I know who you are Lexa. I know the truth. I want to date you and love you so much baby. I can’t though. I can’t date Axel too. I can’t love Axel like I love you. I can’t be with Axel. I… I’m so sorry Lexa. I can’t do it.” _

_ “Axel isn’t real.” _

_ “Not to you, no. But to the world? That’s all they see baby. I’m gay. It’s such a huge part of who I am and I can’t… I can’t give that up.” _

_ “You can say you’re bi, it’s not a big deal?” Lexa more questions than asks. _

_ Costia lets out a wet laugh, tears still falling. _

_ “Okay baby, you come out as bi too then, if it’s that easy.” _

_ Lexa’s eyes fill with tears at the feeling inside her chest, how  _ **_wrong_ ** _ that sounds, even just inside her head. _

_ “I’m sorry,” Costia whispers, leaning in and pressing a kiss to pouty lips, “I’m so sorry baby.” _

_ “I love you,” Lexa cries, tears falling, her breath coming faster. _

_ “I love you so much,” Costia whispers, wrapping Lexa in a hug, pressing kiss after kiss into the shorter woman’s shoulder. _

_ “Please, ba-” Lexa’s voice cracks. _

_ “I’m so sorry,” she soothes, running her fingers through Lexa’s hair, “I’m so sorry.” _

“I’m so sorry I made you feel like you aren’t. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to take the risk for you Lexa,” Costia whispers, pain evident in her voice, tears falling once again. 

“I, uh, I need to go,” Lexa says, standing up.

“Lexa,” Costia grabs her arm, trying to stop her.

Lexa freezes, her whole body going tense as it prepares for more, her eyes slamming shut. 

“Oh Lexa,” Costia whispers, letting go of her hold, “I’m sorry honey.”

Lexa takes a deep breath, attempting to calm her racing heartbeat, “I’m fine.”

“I forgot about your triggers. I’m sorry,” Costia apologizes again.

“It’s fine. I’m going to go,” Lexa says, walking towards the door.

“I liked talking with you Lex. I’d love to hear from you again soon?”

Lexa sighs, turning towards her ex, letting her eyes take in the beauty one last time.

“I don’t think that’d be helpful, for either of us,” Lexa admits in a whisper.

Costia smiles sadly, pulling Lexa into a hug.

“I’ll always love you Lexa,” Costia whispers in her ear.

Lexa doesn’t say a word, wrapping her arms around the body of the one she loved for so many years. Mentally taking note of the changes, her fuller hips and the small swell of her stomach against hers. 

“Goodbye,” Lexa whispers, letting go.

“Bye,” Costia whispers, gently pressing a kiss to Lexa’s cheek before letting go.

Lexa takes a deep breath, turning on her heel and not looking back.


	14. Chapter 14

“So when do you want to do it?” Lexa questions into her phone, cringing at the wording of her question a moment after it comes out.

“Well, I figure we should wait until we’re married Axe, you seem to be that type of man,” Clarke chuckles.

Lexa turns pink, grabbing a spreadsheet off her desk to look over to distract herself from the rasp of Clarke’s voice.

“You know exactly what I meant, Klark,” she scolds, rolling her eyes.

Clarke chuckles to herself, a picture of Lexa with pink cheek playing in her mind as she leans further back into her bed. The hand not holding the phone slows its pace inside her lacy thong as she forces her mind to get on topic.

“Mhm,” is the best she can do, her middle finger spreading her wetness over her engorged clit.

“Klark, please, be an adult about this,” Lexa begs, not enjoying the tiny noises that are coming over the phone, the mystery of what exactly Clarke is doing on the other side.

Clarke bites her bottom lip, attempting to keep back a moan at the way Lexa growls out her name. She sighs as she removed her hand from her panties, rolling onto her stomach to focus on whatever it is Lexa needs.

“What do I need to be an adult about again?” she questions lazily, wiping her hand on her sheets.

“When do you want me to set up the wedding?” Lexa questions, rolling her eyes as she throws her paper to the side of her desk, not liking what she sees.

“I honestly don’t care. I don’t have to dress up, do I?” Clarke questions, eyeing her closet which has clothes falling out of it.

“You can wear whatever it is you want to. All I ask is that you invite your mother.”

“Do I have to invite her?”

“If you don’t, I will.”

Clarke sighs, pouting even though Lexa can’t see her.

“I will not have my mother-in-law hating me before I even know her,” Lexa explains.

“She wouldn’t hate you Axel, you know that right? She’d just be upset at me.”

“Nonetheless, the first thing we need to do is pick a date,” Lexa says, pulling them back on track.

“How’s next Tuesday? I know that’s my mom’s one day off this week, we’re supposed to go out for lunch. We could just go to the court house instead.”

“Next Tuesday at noon sound good to you?” 

“Perfect. I’ll tell Octavia and Raven. I’m assuming you’ll have Anya and Lincoln, so that’ll be what? Five people there?”

“Seven, including us.”

“Smartass.”

* * *

“Where are we going Clarke?” Abby questions, glancing up at the huge government building before being pulled inside.

“Surprise,” Clarke mumbles, leading her mother deeper into the building.

Abby gasps as they pass a sign that gives away their destination, stopping in her tracks, “Clarke!”

“Yes, not come on, we’re going to be late,” Clarke answers, pulling Abby again, this time quicker.

“Oh my god,” Abby says, tears filling her eyes.

“Mom, no. Stop, we’re rushing,” Clarke says, pulling her towards a door labeled ‘Griffin-Woods’.

“My baby’s getting married,” Abby says, cupping Clarke’s face in her hands.

“Mom!” Clarke scolds, but stops to allow Abby a moment.

“My baby,” Abby whispers, her dark brown eyes meeting Clarke’s blue, then tracing down her face, taking her in.

“You’re so beautiful Clarke, he better make you feel that way.”

Clarke blushes, “Ma, you know this isn’t real.”

“It could turn out to be more than you know,” Abby whispers, pressing a kiss to Clarke’s forehead before turning and opening the door.

“I told you,” Raven grins, elbowing Octavia in the ribs.

“Asshole,” Octavia says, pulling out a $20 from the back pocket of her jeans and giving it to a smug Raven. 

“Klark.”

Clarke can’t, so she doesn’t attempt to stop the smile that spreads across her face at the sound of her name coming from plump lips. Blue eyes take in Lexa, her soon to be spouse. Her slim muscular form is encased in a simple black and white tux that fits perfectly.

“I thought we agreed that we didn’t need to dress up,” Clarke teases, walking over to Lexa.

“I told you that you could wear whatever you wanted, I did not say I would not dress up,” Lexa corrects, taking in the all black outfit Clarke has on, a leather jacket, black shirt, and black jeans, paired with black booties.

“You look stunning, as always,” Lexa whispers, so just Clarke can hear.

“Charmer,” Clarke whispers back, taking Lexa’s hand in hers as someone else enters the room.

“I figured you’d be late, so I set it up for 12:30 instead of 12,” Lexa explains.

“A man who already knows, what luck,” Octavia chuckles, earning a glare from the blonde.

“I think it’s sweet,” Abby defends.

“Alright, is everybody present?” the man questions, looking at the small group.

“Yes sir,” Lexa replies easily.

“Then let us begin.”

* * *

 

"Axel."

"Yes sir?"

"You got married last night, yes?"

"Yes sir, I did."

"You will be going on a honeymoon next weekend in Hawaii. We need the publicity about your marriage. Since you decided to have it be so small, now we gotta pay for it."

"I asked you before I got married sir," Lexa points out as she takes a stab at her steak.

"You should have known better, nonetheless, let your wife know of the honeymoon. Act like you're in love and stuff, I expect to see some good photos in the magazines when you return home. The tickets will be ready for you tomorrow in the office."

"Yes sir."


	15. Chapter 15

“Are you for real?” Raven questions from her spot on the couch, laying on her back, her feet thrown over the arm, and her head hanging off the side.

“Stop doing that, you’re going to have a stroke,” Clarke chides as she hands the brunette a beer, “and yeah, Axel doesn’t seem the type to play practical jokes.”

“So you’re going to Hawaii?” Raven questions, sitting up while leaving one leg thrown over the arm of the couch, taking a swig of the beer.

“I guess,” Clarke shrugs, taking a sip of her own beer as she sits next to Raven.

“When?”

“Um, plane leaves Thursday night.”

“Tomorrow?!”

“Yeah? Why does it matter?”

“Oh my god, I’ve gotta call O,” Raven says, getting up and grabbing her phone from the charger by the wall, her fingers flying across the screen.

“Why?” Clarke questions again, rolling her eyes as Raven ignores her.

Raven contines pacing and texting until there’s a knock on the door.

“Really?” Clarke questions, not moving from her spot as Raven rushes to the door.

“Oh my god, I can hardly believe it. It’s such last minute,” Octavia says as she enters the room, dressed in a too-big tee shirt and leggings.

“Did I interrupt something?” Raven questions, looking at Octavia’s state of dress.

“I was with Lincoln. I lost my shirt, so he gave me his,” she shrugs, “Anyways, come on,” she grabs Raven and Clarke’s hands, pulling them to Clarke’s bedroom, letting go to grab Clarke’s suitcase.

“Oh no, you two are not-”

She throws the suitcase on the ground, opening it easily.

“Raven, you find that blue bikini. I’ll pick out her underwear,” Octavia orders.

“I am more than capable of packing for a weekend trip,” Clarke says, sitting down on her bed and letting them rummage through her dresser regardless.

“It’s not a two day trip Clarke, it’s your honeymoon,” Raven corrects, “Found it!” she yells, pulling out the top of the bikini in triumph.

“Need the bottoms too,” Octavia orders, throwing a pair of black lace panties towards the suitcase over her shoulder.

“Oh my god, we’re not going to have sex,” Clarke says.

Raven smirks, sending a look over her shoulder, causing Clarke to turn pink.

“I highly doubt we’ll have sex. Axel is-”

“Different, I know. But didn’t you make a deal with his father?” Octavia questions.

“Well,” Clarke looks down at the beer in her hands.

“It does matter, you’re going to Hawaii, you’ve gotta dress your best the whole time. You’re a Woods now,” Raven says, going back to digging through the drawer.

“Yeah. A Woods,” Clarke whispers to herself, looking at the small ring Lexa got her.

* * *

“So,” Lincoln grins, sitting down next to Lexa.

“So what?” Lexa questions, checking the time on her rolex again.

“So you’re going on a honeymoon,” he says, raising his eyebrows twice.

Lexa blushes, looking down, “it’s-”

“Sharing a bed, being newlyweds, something is bound to happen,” Lincoln continues.

“We’re not sharing a bed,” Lexa mumbles.

Lincoln chuckles, “I doubt the honeymoon suite comes with two beds.”

Lexa pales, her throat suddenly dry at the thought.

“I hope you have fun,” he laughs, pulling Lexa’s beanie down before bolting from the room.

“Dick!” she yells after him, fixing her beanie quickly, glancing down at her watch yet again.

“We won’t be late,” Anya says, walking in from the bathroom.

“I know, I’m worried-”

“About Clarke?” she teases, “Raven is coming over here with her right now, so you can drive yourself to the airport.”

“What? I came over here so my car won’t be sitting in the parking-”

“I’m kidding, calm down. Raven and I are driving. Well, Raven is not driving, but I wanted her to be there for the ride back-”

“Don’t have sex in my car.”

“Technically, it isn’t your car. It’s for the company,” Anya points out.

Lexa sighs, biting her bottom lip.

“Hey, Anya?” Lexa questions quietly, shifting the mood.

“Something wrong?” Anya questions, sitting down next to the younger woman.

“I just… You haven’t told Raven, have you? I know you’ve been with her a lot and I-”

“Lexa,” Anya whispers, grabbing her chin, forcing their eyes to meet.

“I will never tell anybody unless you okay it. I will not out you, ever, okay? I love you, and I will do my best to always protect you, okay?”

Lexa sniffles, wiping the tear in her eyes away, “I know I just… I don’t know. I’m so worried she’s going to find out and I-”

“Who? Clarke?”

“Yeah…”

“Maybe you should tell her yourself hun,” Anya whispers.

“I-” a knock on the door interrupts whatever she was about to say, causing Anya to press a quick kiss to Lexa’s forehead before rushing to get the door.

“Hi,” Anya greets, pulling Raven in by her hips for a quick kiss, then flashing Clarke a smile, “hello.”

“Hi,” Clarke smiles politely as Raven pulls Anya in for another kiss, seamly touch starved.

“Hey,” Lexa greets, her eyes taking in Clarke’s simple outfit, a blue shirt with ‘Y’allsome’ in red letters across her chest, torn up light blue jeans, and a pair of white headphones around her neck, “you look great,” she compliments.

“Thank you. You look nice too,” Clarke says, taking in the simple white tee shirt, flannel, and black jeans, topped off with a beanie and glasses hanging from her collar.

“Plane rides aren’t so good for my usual attire,” Lexa explains, her pushing her hands into her pockets.

“Alright lovebirds, let’s go,” Anya orders.

“Says the one who was just sucking face,” Clarke says, easily dishing it right back out.

* * *

“So should we act all lovey dovey?” Clarke questions as they pull into the parking lot of the airport.

“I don’t think the press will be here to see us go off, I think he tipped them off for our return,” Lexa explains.

“You can never be too careful though, you probably should act like you like each other just incase,” Anya says, causing Raven to snicker.

“You make it sound like we hate each other,” Clarke rolls her eyes, grabbing Lexa’s hand as they pull up to the door, Lexa shifting to get out.

“Be safe, use a condom,” Raven yells with a laugh as Clarke gets out, earning her a glare.

Lexa quickly grabs the suitcases out of the back, handing Clarke’s to her. Clarke holds out her other hand, doing a ‘give me’ motion when Lexa doesn’t take it.

“Sorry niron,” Lexa whispers, taking Clarke’s hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

Clarke can’t help her blush, smiling as their fingers weave together, walking into the airport together.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning! Clarke has a fear of flying, and Lexa has a little dysphoria (not in detail).

“Are you okay?” Lexa questions, looking up from her book, green eyes taking in her wife.

“I’m fine,” Clarke says, her grip on the seat, knuckles white, contradicting her statement.

“You’re afraid of flying?” Lexa questions gently, having noticed the small difference in Clarke’s movements in the past twenty minutes, but having chalked it up to the pictures being taken of them holding hands.

“I always feel much closer to death flying, than anything else in life,” Clarke says truthfully, “hell, I’d rather be watching my mother in the ER.”

“I’m sorry. If I would’ve know we could’ve-”

“It’s fine Axel,” Clarke cuts her off, “I mean-” the sudden jolt of the plane causes her to freeze, her face going white.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Lexa whispers, her hand easily covers Clarkes, clutching the armrest between them, “hey, look at me?”

Blue eyes wide in obvious fear meet calm green.

“It’s just me and you, okay? We’re safe, right here, okay? I won’t let anything hurt you,” Lexa mumbles, her forehead touching Clarke’s, her voice soft as her fingers run over the back of Clarke’s hand.

“Axel-”

“Shh, just look at me,” Lexa shushes her response, “close your eyes and listen to my voice, okay?”

Clarke bites her bottom lip, ready to protest, but a slight squeeze to her hand has her giving in, her eyes falling shut.

“We’re going to be safe. You’re going to be safe for the rest of your life. I’ll make sure of that, I promise. I know I haven’t been taking care of myself like I should, but I’m going to take care of you, for the rest of my life. Even if we don’t stay married, I promise you, right now, I’ll protect you from the world. Nothing, airplanes, people, assholes, cars, nothing will ever get to you again. As my wife, I promise to cherish you, to respect you.”

“Axel,” she gasps as the plane starts rolling.

“I know. That’s us moving. We’re trying to keep going forward, even though this is new, we’re going to keep going forward until-”

Clarke tenses as the plane leaves the ground.

“Until we start flying Clarke,” Lexa whispers, sighing as she takes in her wife’s face, her beautiful face.

The plane levels out, and the tension leaves Clarke’s body, her eyes fluttering open, blue meeting green.

“Thank you,” Clarke whispers, their faces inches apart.

“That’s what spouses are for, right?” Lexa questions, leaning back, blush coating her features as she remembers everything she just whispered.

Clarke sighs, noticing a girl across the aisle filming them, obviously having gotten pictures of film of Lexa comforting her. The girl has the decency to blush, mouthing an apology at getting caught, putting her camera away.

“I’m sorry you’ll have to get used to them,” Lexa whispers, having felt the eyes on her, without having to look.

“Anyways, thank you,” Clarke says, turning her hand upside down to lace her fingers in Lexa’s. 

Lexa blushes, but says nothing as she looks back down at the forgotten book in her lap, opening it with her one hand. She can’t find it in herself to be annoyed at having to use only one hand, completely content with Clarke taking hold of her right.

* * *

“Welcome to Maui Mr. Woods, please follow me to your room. Your suite is separated by key on a private floor of the Resort and serviced by a dedicated concierge team and staff, our top-level Club Floor provides complete privacy. Only guests staying in rooms and suites on this floor can enter the Club Floor Lounge. We do extensive research on each guest to ensure there will be no paparazzi or any sort of conflict between guests. Everybody here has to sign a clause, stating you will not film or harass any of the other guests, unless you have their permission of course. I’m sure you’ll want to take a few pictures of your beautiful wife, of course. You also have a personal assist assigned to your room, if you want to explore the island or need anything, just push the number 1 on your phone, and they will be there to help or do anything you want to. We like to remind our American guest that we do not need tipped. If you need anything else, please let me know,” the dapper dressed man says, obviously the speech practiced and said with ease.

“Thank you,” Lexa says, “I think we have all we need.”

“Number one on the phone to call your assistent,” he reminds, gesturing towards the door for them to go through, before turning on his heel and walking away.

Clarke is the first to push the door open, her mouth dropping open at the expansive suite before her. A private pool, a jacuzzi, a California King size bed, three couches and chairs, two large flat screen TVs, a whole kitchen, with a full size stove and fridge, and a door leading to a bathroom that is sure to impress anybody.

“Holy shit,” she remarks, looking around with wide eyes.

“This must have cost a fortune, to import all of these to the island,” Lexa comments, heading to the bed, their suitcases sitting at the end of the bed.

“Does nothing impress you?” Clarke questions, watching as Lexa only gives the room another glance.

“The underwater suite in Fiji impressed me a bit. I’d like to go back there. Hawaii isn’t my favorite,” Lexa shrugs as she starts putting her clothes in the dresser.

“Oh my god, you’re such a snob,” Clarke states, heading to her own suitcase.

“I’m not a snob, I’m just not impressed at unnecessary displaces of wealth,” she defends.

“Half of the time I see you, you’re wearing a rolex,” Clarke points out, giving a pointed look at the watch on Lexa’s wrist.

“That’s-”

“Unnecessarily costly,” Clarke points out, her smirk daring Lexa to argue.

Lexa rolls her eyes, mumbling to herself.

“What was that?” Clarke questions, suddenly right next to Lexa.

“Uh, nothing,” Lexa flushes, stepping away from Clarke.

Clarke chuckles, going back to her own suitcase.

“Anyways, do we have plans?”

“Uh, no? Should I have made plans?”

Clarke smiles at Lexa’s confused look, a warmth in her chest as she chuckles.

“No, I can make them for us instead,” she says, pulling out her phone, “have you done anything fun here before?”

“I biked. I didn’t really bring clothes to bike though,” Lexa says, looking at her collection of the typical ‘hawaiian shirt’ and shorts, all matching colors.

“I didn’t either. You brought trunks though, right?” Clarke questions, eyeing the pool just through some glass doors.

“I don’t swim,” Lexa states.

“What? You don’t know how-”

“I know how, I just don’t,” Lexa cuts her off.

Clarke raises an eyebrow at the tone of Lexa’s voice, slightly confused, “oh-kay?”

“Sorry,” Lexa apologizes, “I just don’t feel comfortable swimming.”

Clarke’s eyebrows furrow, her eyes taking in Lexa’s body.

“You don’t feel comfortable?” she questions.

Lexa crosses her arms, her body seeming to shrink, “I just…” she mumbles, looking to the ground as she sits down.

“Axel, you know you’re attractive don’t you? I mean, all I’ve never seen you naked, but from what I can see, you’re fucking hot. So many girls would jump at the chance to see you without a shirt on, I mean, you’re ripped,” Clarke says, sitting down next to her on the bed.

Lexa blushes at the compliments, her hand scratching the back of her neck, “yeah…” she mumbles.

“But if you don’t feel comfortable, that doesn’t matter,” Clarke says with a shrug, “I mean, we don’t have to go swimming, it’s whatever.”

“No, you can still go swimming,” Lexa says, “just because I don’t swim, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.”

“It’ll look weird if it’s just me swimming,” Clarke points out.

Lexa sighs, biting her bottom lip, “I guess you could be worth getting my feet wet for? I could just hang out on the side, if you feel odd swimming alone,” she offers.

Clarke smiles, “you’d do that for me?”

“Of course,” Lexa says, “I’ll do whatever you want me to.”

“You’re so sweet Axel,” Clarke grins, looking back down at her phone, “now anyways, we’ve gotta go to a luau, of course.”

“They’re pretty cool. Costia-” Lexa cuts herself off.

“You were here with Costia?” Clarke questions.

“Well, not Maui. Oahu, we visited the USS Arizona memorial and went to a luau. I liked the memorial, she liked the luau,” Lexa says.

“Do you miss her?” Clarke questions softly.

“I mean, I miss my friend,” Lexa shrugs, “do you miss your ex?”

Clarke chuckles, thinking back to the floppy haired boy, “I miss the sex, even though he was shit at it,” she replied honestly.

Lexa goes red, blush coating her features imminently.

“Even your ears are red Axel,” she chuckles, her hand absentmindedly coming up to touch them.

Lexa freezes at the touch, her whole body stopping, the only thing she can feel is her heart, beating a mile a minute.

“Sorry,” Clarke whispers, removing her hand.

“Is’kay,” Lexa whispers, turning her head, their eyes connecting.

“You know,” Clarke whispers, her hand coming up and gently cupping Lexa’s jaw, “I’m one of those women.”

It takes Lexa’s brain a few moments to realize what she’s saying, then it short circuits. Her jaw falls open as she turns another shade darker.

“Anyways,” Clarke grins, pulling away and looking back at her phone, “I’d also like to see if we can make it to an island art party. This site says there’s a place here that’ll let you paint, and I didn’t bring like anything with me. Something I already regret. It also says that they’re a Pearl Harbor tour? You said you liked the USS Arizona memorial, so maybe they’d take us over there. If not, we can just hang out at the beach or something. I plan on getting a tan.”

“Okay,” Lexa says, her stomach rumbles.

“I’m guessing we need to go get some food first, let’s go explore,” Clarke says, grabbing Lexa’s hand and pulling her to the door.

“Clarke, I’ve gotta-”

“You’re hungry, I’m hungry, let’s go.”

“We need the cards to the room first,” Lexa defends, pointing to the welcome book on the coffee table, an envelope sticking out, where their key cards most likely are.

“Oh.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Lexa has a panic attack due to dysphoria

“What is panko mahi mahi?” Clarke questions, reading the sign on the food truck.

“Breaded fish with spices. Chicken katsu is basically the same, only with chicken,” Lexa explains, pointing to the dish being handed out to somebody in line in front of them.

“What are you getting?”

“Seared ahi. I also think I’ll grab some calamari, I believe you’d enjoy it.”

“Already ordering for me?” Clarke jokes, flashing a smile with a giggle.

“No,” Lexa rolls her eyes, easily returning the smile, “I’m adding to your order. If I had to order for you, I’d go for the all american pulled pork.”

“Who in the world goes to Hawaii and orders pulled pork? I want some coconut shrimp, duh.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot you were a typical tourist,” Lexa chuckles.

“Says the one who only packed hawaiian shirts for the whole weekend,” Clarke grins, walking to the front of the truck to give her order.

* * *

“That doesn’t look safe to eat,” Clarke comments as Lexa sits down next to her on the couch, back in their hotel room with their food.

“It’s perfectly safe to eat Clarke, it’s like steak tartare or carpaccio.”

“I don’t think that meat should be that color red Axel. It needs to be cooked. Are you sure they know what they’re doing?” 

“Clarke, if it wasn’t safe they wouldn’t be selling it. Have you tried your calamari yet?” 

Clarke rolls her eyes, ignoring the question in favor of digging in to her plate of food in front of her, ignoring the calamari sitting on the coffee table in front of her. 

The moment she bites into the shrimp, the first layer gives way and juices flood her mouth. She can’t help the moan that escapes as she chews it, thoroughly enjoying her food with no notice to anything or anybody else. Lexa hears Clarke’s throaty moan, her own food halfway to her mouth freezing at the sound. 

“Axel, you didn’t tell me this was fucking orgasmic,” Clarke says, picking another piece up, releasing another moan.

“I… Uh,” Lexa fumbles, her eyes on the blonde, her mouth suddenly too dry to speak.

Clarke looks over at her, blue eyes connecting with green.

“Sorry,” Lexa mumbles, looking down quickly, heat rushing to her face.

Clarke smirks, watching Lexa quickly stuff food into her mouth.

“How’s your food, babe?” she questions.

Lexa goes stiff at the pet name, almost choking on the food she just piled into her mouth. Picking up a napkin and covering her mouth, she chough out “what?”

“I asked how your food was,” Clarke chuckles, finding Lexa’s panic adorable.

“It’s great. Awesome, good. I’m glad you like it.”

“Wanna split the calamari with me?” she questions, scooting closer to Lexa and reaching out to the table to swap her plate with the one of calamari.

“I don’t-”

“Come on, I’m not going to eat all of it. You recommended it,” Clarke argues, using the fork to tear off a bite.

“I guess,” Lexa gives in, setting her own plate down and grabbing another fork.

“No,” Clarke mumbles, causing Lexa to look at her, “here,” she moves the end of the fork towards Lexa’s mouth.

“I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to feed you, not the other way around,” Lexa comments, not opening her mouth.

“Pretty sure you’re supposed to be in love with your wife before you marry her too, but we do things a little differently,” Clarke shrugs, moving the fork closer to Lexa.

Lexa grabs Clarke’s hand holding the fork, moving it down and making their eyes connect, “I married you for my father, but if you ever doubt your want for our marriage Clarke, we can end it like nothing. I mean-”

“Axel, I was joking. Let me feed you, you clueless doof,” Clarke chuckles.

Lexa can feel her cheeks turning red at the comment, but opens her mouth for Clarke to feed her anyways. She chews slowly and carefully, not wanting to make a fool of herself. 

“It’s really good,” she comments.

“What, you don’t want to feed me?” Clarke asks, pretending to be offended.

Lexa shakes her head, smiling at Clarke’s tone.

* * *

“I’m so stuffed,” Clarke says, plopping down on the couch next to Lexa.

“I told you not to finish it. We have a fridge for leftovers,” Lexa says, not looking up from her book.

“I could just fall asleep now.”

“Take the bed, I’ll take the couch.”

“It’s not late yet,” Clarke whines, “and you’re sleeping in the bed with me, doofus.”

“Not that I don’t absolutely love the newly found nicknames, I don’t think telling my wife to take the bed makes me a doofus.”

“Saying you’re not sleeping with me, that’s what makes you a doofus,” Clarke explains, leaning against Lexa.

“What are you doing?” Lexa questions, her body going tense as Clarke’s back leans against her side.

“I wanna sleep,” Clarke says, moving so her head is resting against Lexa’s shoulder.

“Why do you want to sleep on me?” 

“I’m used to cuddling to go to bed when I’m this full. I only eat like this with Octavia or Raven.”

“Oh.”

Clarke sighs, sadly moving away from Lexa, “can you please just like, hold me until I fall asleep? Otherwise I’ll get crappy and we haven’t been married long enough for that yet.”

“I mean-”

“Please?”

Lexa sighs, cursing herself for her lack of ability to say no to pretty girls, “fine, let’s go lay on the bed.”

“Yay!” Clarke grins, rushing to the bed.

Lexa grins to herself, her heart warm as she watches her wife, putting her book down she makes her way to the bed.

“Just lay down,” Clarke orders, which Lexa follows easily, laying flat on her back.

Clarke crawls into the bed, up to Lexa’s side.

“Put your arm out and hold me,” Clarke whispers, resting her head on Lexa’s flat chest, her leg easily sliding in between Lexa’s. 

Lexa swallows her feelings, the feeling of wrongness overcoming her as she looks down at her flat chest. Her hand comes around Clarke’s shoulder, her hand that is too rough, too strong.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke whispers, causing Lexa to jump, having forgotten about the other person on her chest, too inside her head.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” Lexa lies.

“Axel,” ‘ _ That’s not my name’ Lexa wants to scream,  _ Clarke raises her head off of Lexa’s chest, her hand coming to the middle of it, right over her heart, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. You are allowed to tell me no.”

“It’s not you,” Lexa mumbles, clenching her jaw as the tiny voice in the back of her head screams about everything that’s wrong with her body. 

“What can I do to help you then?” Clarke questions, “Should I give you space?”

Lexa swallows, her mouth suddenly full of spit, her heart racing faster and faster, the start of a panic attack setting in, her chest tightening.

“Hey, sit up,” Clarke whispers, gently pulling Lexa up into the sitting position.

Lexa’s breathing is coming faster, her brain starting to become overwhelmed, tears filling her eyes.

“It’s okay, shh,” Clarke whispers, pulling her head into her chest, “just breathe for me.” 

Clarke gently runs her fingers through Lexa’s hair, moving so she’s straddling Lexa, hugging her close. 

“It’s okay. It’s just you and me. Nobody can hurt you, it’s okay. Just breathe for me,” she whispers into Lexa’s ear.

Lexa can’t help it when the tears start falling, her sobs muffled into Clarke’s shirt. It takes a long time, both of them lose track of time as Lexa cries. Neither notice when Lexa’s arms wrap around Clarke, holding her close.

Lexa calms down, her tears and sobs stop but Clarke doesn’t stop her whispers. She fingers lightly thread through Lexa’s hair, her curls on top, her short sides. Lexa takes a deep breath, preparing herself for the aftermath.

She pulls back, looking up at Clarke. Clarke’s hand finds the side of her cheek, easily wiping away her tears.

“Are you okay?” Clarke whispers.

_ No.  _ “Yeah, I’m sorry. I just…”

“You don’t need to explain if you don’t want to,” Clarke whispers.

Blue eyes meet green, both are suddenly frozen. Blue eyes drop down to pouty lips, biting her own subconsciously. Clarke looks back into Lexa's eyes, searching for something.

Lexa clears her throat, suddenly exhausted and plops backwards, flat on her back with Clarke straddling her thighs.

“You know, there’s easier ways to get your face into my boobs,” Clarke jokes, easing the tension in the room as she rolls off Lexa and on to her side.

Lexa chuckles, “I’ll keep that in mind,” she mumbles, already on her way to sleep.

“I hope you do,” Clarke whispers to herself, throwing an arm around Lexa’s stomach and resting her head on Lexa’s biceps before falling asleep herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Hi?   
> I'm sorry for the long wait, I'm kinda terrified to use my laptop because it's going to break soon (connection from screen is going bad) and I want to transfer everything before I get rid of it, so I've just not been using it at all.   
> And I've also been working 6 days a week since April, so yeah... Being an adult fucking sucks. Do not recommend to anybody!   
> Hope you enjoyed it nonetheless! Let me know what you think!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:   
> THOUGHTS OF SELF HARM  
> PANIC ATTACK  
> FLASHBACKS  
> Nothing graphic, but if mentions of these upset you, this chapter might not be for you.

Lexa groans, slowly coming into the land of consciousness. The warmth draped over her tempts her into falling back asleep, to just snuggle closer. Alas, the warmth moving causes her to let out a whine.

“I’ll be right back,” Clarke’s warm voice fills her ears.

“It’s cold,” Lexa whines, rolling onto her stomach into the spot Clarke just vacated.

A wetness causes Lexa to wake up quick, looking down at the spot on the bed.

“Shit,” Clarke cusses as she turns on the light in the bathroom, revealing her fear to be true.

“Uh, Clarke?” Lexa calls, rolling off the bed.

“Fuck,” Clarke mumbles, sitting on the toilet and relieving herself, slowly cleaning herself up.

“Hey,” Lexa knocks on the bathroom door, “do you want me to grab you some clothes? You can jump in the shower and I’ll take care of the bed.”

“Uh yeah, sure. Thanks,” Clarke says, wiping herself.

Lexa rushes to the drawer where Clarke put all her clothes. She swallows, ignoring the feeling like she’s invading Clarke’s privacy. She grabs the darkest pair of shorts she can see, a random shirt. 

“She said to,” Lexa mumbles to herself before opening Clarke’s underwear drawer. “Wow,” she mumbles, seeing nothing but lace. 

Black lace set, blue lace set, pink lace set.

“That can not be comfortable,” she whispers to herself, picking up the outfit and going to the bathroom door and knocking.

“Yeah?” Clarke questions, turning on the shower to let it warm up.

“Do you have any underwear that’s not lace? I can’t imagine lace is good for when you’re on your period. And do you have stuff for it? Pads or tampons of whatever?” Lexa questions.

“Fuck,” Clarke sighs, opening up the door to stand face-to-face with Lexa, “I don’t have any of that. I kinda forgot about it, getting married and surprise honeymoon and stuff,” she confesses, pink coating her cheeks.

“No worries, here’s your darkest pair of shorts and a shirt. I’ll go down to the store and see if I can find some better underwear for you, and grab some stuff. What size are you? Tampons or pads, or both?” Lexa easily questions.

“This stuff doesn’t gross you out?” Clarke questions quietly, looking down, “you have a stain on your pants from me.”

Lexa looks down to find a patch on blood on her left knee, probability from when she rolled over into the pool Clarke made on the bed.

“It happens. I’ll call room service to change the sheets. Hop in the shower, I’ll be back quick,” Lexa says, moving to the dresser where her phone is.

“Axel,” Clarke whispers, grabbing Lexa’s wrist, causing her to freeze, going stiff. 

Memories flash before Lexa’s eyes of all the times her father grabbed her wrist. The pain afterwards, the words spit at her, sometimes real spit in her face.

“Axel?” Clarke’s voice cuts through the memories, her hand releasing Lexa’s wrist.

“Yes?” Lexa questions, blinking the memories away.

“Thank you.”

Green eyes meet blue, an unspoken conversation taking place. Thank yous and softness, care and warmth traded that says they are more than unwilling spouses.

“I’ll hop in the shower,” Clarke whispers, turning on her heel and closing the door.

Lexa nods, going to her phone and calling for the personal assistant assigned to the room. Lexa barely has time to change her pants before room service is at the door with clean sheets. 

Without another word Lexa slips away, on a mission to find panties and pads and tampons for Clarke.

* * *

“Clarke?” Lexa knocks on the bathroom door, her arms full.

“Great, you’re back,” Clarke sighs, opening the bathroom door.

Lexa’s brain short-circuits as her wife stands before her. Her usually blonde hair is dark with highlights. Her face, completely clear of makeup, is completely gorgeous. Her dark beauty marks, one above the left side of her lips and one above her left eyebrow, pop against her light color, a small mole, usually covered by a layer of foundation, pops on her right cheek. Her eyes shine, the blue brighter than ever as she takes in the array of packages Lexa currently has in her arms. Her shoulders are bare, her skin flawless, no dark burns or tan lines. Her chest covered by a bright white towel.

“Jesus Axel, did you buy the whole store?” Clarke’s voice draws Lexa out of her daze.

Lexa looks down at her arms, seven packages of panties, two of tampons, and four packages of pads. 

“I don’t know your size, what you use, or anything like that,” Lexa defends.

“Geez, this must’ve cost a lot though,” Clarke says, grabbing the boyshort undies and a box of tampons, “thank you.”

“You don’t need pads too?” Lexa questions as Clarke closes the door.

Clarke laughs through the door, yelling “most girls only need one or the other Axe.”

Lexa’s eyebrows raise, never having heard that before, granted, she has been male her whole life. 

“Interesting,” she comments, setting the extra stuff on the bed, looking at the array of female panties she bought. 

“Boyshorts? Never would’ve guessed,” she whispers to herself, looking at the other cuts she got, something she has researched and knows a lot about.

“You really thought girls used both pads and tampons?” Clarke questions as she comes out of the bathroom, fully dressed.

Lexa opens her mouth to defend herself, but nothing comes out as she lays eyes on her wife. Her hair is still darker than normal, a water from it dripping on her T-shirt, her face clean and her eyes bright. It shoots a feeling through Lexa, her chest filled with awe as she takes Clarke in.

“Axel?” Clarke whispers, tilting her head to the side slightly, like a puppy with a high pitched noise.

“Sorry,” Lexa mumbles, looking down as blood rushes to her cheeks.

“Are you okay? I know this is definitely not how I wanted us to start out the day, but I didn’t freak you out-”

“You didn’t freak me out Clarke. It’s a normal thing most females go through.”

“If I didn’t freak you out, why can’t you stand to look at me for more than twenty seconds?”

Lexa can feel her cheeks get hotter.

“I uh… I mean… It’s just that…”

“Axel, just spit it out already,” Clarke orders, crossing her arms.

“You’re hot,” Lexa confesses, glancing at her.

“Oh.” Clarke says, a lightbulb going off in her head as things fall into place in her mind.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Axel,” Clarke sighs, a small smirk coming across her face as she takes in her spouse, red cheeks and fixated on the ground.

She walks closer to Lexa, silently thanking god for making them the same height. 

“Axel,” she whispers, gently touching her flat chest.

Lexa snaps into the moment, flinching backwards, her arms coming up to cover her chest imminently, “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t touch you without permission. I should know not to do that…” Clarke mumbles.

“I have problems Clarke. Things that make living everyday hard for me. I have triggers, and I have hurt people I love because of them before. I… I’m broken already Clarke,” Lexa confesses, walking away from Clarke to sit on the couch. 

“Having triggers doesn’t make you broken Axel,” Clarke says, following her to the couch.

“Look, Clarke,” Lexa sighs, swallowing her feelings and looking Clarke dead in the eye, ignoring everything she feels inside, “I-”

“No, I’m not talking with you when you look like that,” Clarke says, gesturing to Lexa’s face.

“Like what?”

“Like this is some business meeting and it doesn’t affect you in the slightest. We were talking about you. I’m not talking to some hollow version of you.”

“I’m not-”

“You are right now. I can tell by how you’re looking at me. You might not know it Axel, but your eyes always give everything away. I can see when you’re feeling something strong, and right now, there is nothing there. So I’m not going to do this. Whatever bullshit you were about to give me about how broken you are, and unfixable, I’m not going to hear it. I’m your wife, and I’m not putting up with any bullshit. So, whenever you are done acting like you have no feelings, lets talk. Until then, I’m going to go down to the pool and get my feet wet.”

Clarke doesn’t waste a second, grabbing her key card and walking out.

Lexa’s walls crumble the moment the door closes behind Clarke, tears running down her face as sobs interrupt her breathing. Feelings too strong course though her, feelings that make her want to do bad things, things she still has scars from her her thighs. Feelings she’s promised not to act on again. Promised Anya and Lincoln and… Costia. 

_ “Call me.”  _

Anya’s voice cuts through her feelings. The bad voices keep yelling as she finds her phone, quickly dialing Anya.

“Have you-” Anya’s sarcastic question dies as a sob reaches her though the phone, “babe, I’ve gotta go, I’ll be back,” she whispers to whoever she’s with.

“An-” Lexa sobs.

“Lexa, it’s okay honey, I’m here.”

“I want to do bad things Anya. Bad, bad things.”

“Where’s Clarke at honey? Why isn’t she with you?”

“I-i… I’m broken An…”

“Honey, shh. Deep breaths for me, okay? One… Two… Three…”

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I’m living a lie, it makes me wanna die,” Lexa sobs.

“Honey,” Anya sighs, her heart hurting.

* * *

“I just don’t understand him. He’s so cute and sweet one moment, and then it’s like it just becomes too much for him, and he turns into this unfeeling machine,” Clarke confesses into the phone.

“Is it like, something to do with his father?” Octavia questions.

“I mean, sometimes I think it might be. I’m a touchy feely person, and he’s not. I mean, it’s like he has triggers or something. But other times, it comes out of nowhere. Like, we were laying down and cuddling-”

“Ooo!”

“Shut up! I got him to hold me because I was really full and wanted to sleep, and you know how I get. So anyways, we were cuddling, and then all of the sudden he was like, having a panic attack. I didn’t even do anything.”

“Maybe being touched in general is a trigger?”

“I think being grabbed is one, but not just touched. He’s okay with holding hands, and he agreed to cuddling.”

“I don’t know babe. I think there’s more to him though. Lincoln always feels weird when we talking about him. I don’t know though, it’s like there’s a huge secret or something about Axel.”

“He said he’s hurt people he’s loved before…”

“Maybe he killed his ex?”

“That’s just ridiculous. Have you meet him? He couldn’t hurt a fly.”

“I’ve seen some videos of him and Linc sparing, and he could kill a man if he wanted to babe.”

“You really don’t think that he did, do you?”

“No. Not for a moment, but there is something up with him. Something besides the fact his father is a piece of shit.”

“I mean, he’s gotta have some like, anxiety or like, PTSD or something. I don’t know. Maybe I could get him into a therapist? That way he could get help.”

“Highly doubt his father would be okay with that.”

“Fuck his father, I’m his wife.”

“Oh hey, Linc just got here, I’ve gotta go. Go have fun babe, love ya.”

“Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So cute Lexa, then not so cute :(  
> This story isn't really following my plans. A lot more dysphoria than I planned, mostly because of me I think.  
> Sorry about it, but I'm going though a hard time rn, and this kinda helps, so yeah.   
> Let me know what you think.   
> What would you do if you woke up on your honeymoon to find out it was that time of the month? Would you know what to get your girl? Was Clarke too harsh? Did Lexa kill someone?


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> MENTIONS OF SELF HARM

Clarke takes a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for whatever awaits her behind the closed door to their hotel room. Pressing the key card to the sensor and waiting for it to blink green, she gathers all of her courage to face the enigma of her spouse.

“Axel?” she questions, not seeing Lexa at all.

“Clarke? You’re back already?” Lexa questions, jumping up from her spot on the floor in front of the fridge, pulling up her shorts quickly.

“What are you doing?” Clarke questions, watching Lexa’s shorts turn darker at a spot on her thigh.

“Nothing,” Lexa lies, turning around quickly and throwing something into the sink, turning it on to wash her hands.

Sirens go off in Clarke’s head and pain fills her chest.

“Axel?” she questions, her feet moving her closer without her noticing, her voice soft as if she were talking to a child.

Lexa’s eyebrows raise at the change of tone, turning to find the blonde much closer to her than before.

“What?” Lexa questions, dredd filling her chest at the way Clarke is looking at her, like she’s broken.

Clarke doesn’t say anything, instead her hands come out to touch Lexa’s thigh, stopping just before pale hands meet the wetness. Blue eyes look into green, asking for permission.

“It’s not what you think,” Lexa whispers, tears filling her eyes at the genuine caring she can see in Clarke’s.

“Talk to me Axel,” Clarke pleds, her eyes going down to the wetness.

“It’s just water, I promise,” Lexa confesses, a tear falling, “it’s just ice,” she explains, stepping forward so Clarke’s hand presses into her thigh.

“Oh thank god,” Clarke sighs, wrapping Lexa in a hug before she thinks about it, her arms wrapping around Lexa and pulling her tight.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa whispers into Clarke’s ear, tears falling, but not allowing herself to fall apart.

“No, no,” Clarke whispers, pulling back slightly and taking Lexa’s face in her hands, her thumbs wiping away her tears as their eyes connect.

“I am so proud of you,” Clarke confesses, “do you hear me? I am so proud of you for this.”

Lexa’s eyebrows furrow, “but I shouldn’t-”

“Hush,” Clarke orders, tears filling her eyes as she shakes her head, “I am proud of you.”

Lexa nods, closing her eyes and holding back more tears. 

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” Clarke whispers, throwing her arms around Lexa’s shoulders and pulling her closer, “I was way too harsh and-”

“It’s okay Clarke,” Lexa whispers, wrapping her arms around Clarke’s midsection.

“I care about you so much already Axel,” Clarke whispers into Lexa’s ear, her fingers running through her short hair.

“Good thing, I mean, you’re married to me,” Lexa jokes, earning a snort from Clarke as she pulls back.

“Come on, you dork. Let’s go do something today,” Clarke smiles, grabbing Lexa’s hand and pulling her towards the door.

“Okay,” Lexa grins, letting herself be lead by her wife.

* * *

“Come on!” Clarke laughs, pulling a reluctant Lexa.

“I’m all for you doing this, but I am not an artist Clarke,” Lexa argues, but lets Clarke pull her anyways.

“It’s not about how good it is, it’s about the feeling of painting babe!”

“Babe?” Lexa questions with a smirk.

“Fine, asshole,” Clarke rolls her eyes.

Lexa chuckles, sitting down in the stool in front of a blank canvas, her eyes going to the front of the room where a gorgeous painting of what they’re going to make today sits. It’s a beautiful scene, waves to the left side and some palm trees to the right on a beach, a clear sky above it.

“Think of that less as a end goal, and more like an inspiration,” Clarke comments, giving Lexa a grin.

“I highly doubt they’ll be comparable,” she confesses with a grin, falling silent as the instructor comes to the front of the room.

* * *

“Oh my god,” Clarke can’t stop the laughter that tumbles out of her mouth as she takes in the painting Lexa has created.

“Hey! Don’t laugh at my art!” Lexa scolds.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke apologizes, “It’s just… Where are the trees? The land’s on the wrong side. Did you even look at it?”

“You told me it’s just an inspiration! I went with it!” she defends.

“It’s actually pretty good,” Clarke grins, “abstractly, of course.”

“Oh whatever, show me yours then, miss artist.”

“It’s mrs artist, thank you,” Clarke corrects with a grin, turning her painting towards Lexa.

“Holy shit,” she mumbles, eyes wide as she takes in the beauty before her.

It also looks nothing like the original painting. It has much more texture and death than the original. There are rock piles in the center and to the side of the waves rolling onto the beach. A small turtle hides among the rock to the right. In the distance to the right side of the painting, there are palm trees reaching towards the sky. Yellow and red and blue come together to form a beautiful sky ombre, the sun must be rising or setting behind them.

“You like it?” Clarke questions, her cheeks pink at the silence Lexa is giving her.

“You’re an artist,” Lexa whispers.

“Well, yeah. That’s one of the reasons we’ve married Axe,” Clarke jokes.

“Yeah, like, no. You’re fucking amazing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So do you want shorter chapters like this with less time in between, or longer chapters with more time in between?  
> Thank you all for all of the love you've given me.  
> To see the paintings I'm talking about, find my tumblr! BigG1999


	20. Chapter 20

“Thanks for going with me,” Clarke says, walking into their hotel room.

“Of course. It’s my job to follow you around for the rest of our days,” Lexa jokes, setting their paintings down by the window.

“... _ so think of it as your real job”  _ Alexander’s voice rings through her mind, her throat suddenly goes dry at the memory of the deal she made with Lexa’s excuse of a father. A deal she has made no effort to fulfil, something Alexander will be looking for. He’s a cunning man who always gets what he wants, and has the power to end people who don’t follow through with their end of the deal. He’ll know Clarke hasn’t been trying, he just will. The voice inside of Clarke’s head doesn’t stop telling her those things, and her heart starts racing.

“Clarke?” Lexa questions, tilting her head like a puppy, her green eyes taking in the silent blonde.

“Sorry,” Clarke mumbles, looking down and avoiding the eyes watching her every movement.

“Hey,” Lexa whispers, walking closer to Clarke, “You know I was joking right? I don’t see you as a job. You’re my wife, I just-”

Clarke surges towards Lexa, cutting off her words with her lips. Lexa freezes, her eyes widening as Clarke presses their bodies together, their lips connected, yet unmoving. Clarke’s tongue swipes Lexa’s bottom lip, her hands coming to Lexa’s stomach, feeling her abs through the shirt.

Lexa snaps out of her frozen state when Clarke’s hand starts to drift lower, she takes a step back, ripping Clarke’s lips from hers. Her heart pounds in her ears as she looks at the blonde. A million thoughts rush through Lexa’s mind at the sudden assault from the blonde.

“Why?” she croaks.

One word is all it takes for Clarke to crumble. She visibly deflates, her chest growing heavy. 

“I…” she has no words, no way to tell Lexa why, how her father’s words just played in her mind, and now she’s worried about him ruining her life.

Lexa takes a deep breath, closing her eyes as she tries to find the words.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispers, taking in the rigidness of Lexa.

“I promised you I’d be honest with you Clarke. I want you to be honest with me too,” she whispers, opening her eyes and meeting blue.

“I…” Clarke sighs, looking down at the ground.

“I would get it if it was from you, but that wasn’t. That wasn’t you, so I want to know who is telling you to do that.”

“What if it was me?” Clarke questions.

Lexa laughs, anger bubbling up in her throat, “I may not know you very well Clarke, but if that was you, I think we can file for a divorce right now. That was not a kiss. That felt like an assault. You are soft and caring, that was harsh and… And… Wrong.”

Clarke swallows, her mouth filled with too much spit, her eyes filling too.

“Clarke.”

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispers, tears falling.

Lexa’s heart aches as she takes in the blonde, all her anger disappearing in a moment.

“Shh,” she whispers, pulling the blonde into a hug without thinking.

Clarke sobs, burying her head into Lexa’s neck.

“I like you Clarke. You don’t ever need to do anything you don’t want to. I don’t care who is telling you that you have to do something. You should never,  _ never _ , do anything you don’t want.”

“But I’m your wife Axel, I have to-”

“You’re  **my** wife. Nobody else has any room in our marriage Clarke. If you don’t want to do something, if something doesn’t feel right, we won’t do it. If you don’t want to hold hands for the press, we won’t. If you don’t want to hang out with me, you don’t have to. If you don’t want to be my wife, I’ll get you out of it. Nobody has any place in out life Clarke,” Lexa whispers, her hands easily running through Clarke’s blonde hair.

“I want to go home,” Clarke admits into Lexa’s chest.

“Okay, we’ll go home,” Lexa says, pulling her cell phone out of her pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this will be the last short chapter. The majority like the longer chapters with more time in between.   
> This was all I've had time to do, and I just really wanted to share it, and get some feedback before I write what comes next.   
> We are heading into some major story points, and I hope you're all ready for it.   
> Tell me what you think, love ya.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!  
> GRAPHIC PHYSICAL/VERBAL ABUSE  
> SURGICAL GORE  
> GENITAL HARM

“I can’t believe you did this,” Clarke says, looking around at the private jet. 

“I told you Clarke, whatever you want, I will always do my best to get it,” Lexa says, looking up at the small sign that tells them to put on their seat belts.

“This is crazy though Axel, a private jet?” Clarke laughs at the absurdity.

“The jet always is at the closest airport to me. My father never wants to rely on other people. This is the cheaper one, the other one is always close to my father and mother. Not that she ever flies anywhere, she’s scared of flying. Worse than you,” Lexa explains.

“I’m not bad!” Clarke defends, going pale as the plane starts moving.

“He’s a retired navy pilot Clarke. There’s nothing to worry about,” Lexa intertwines their hands.

“If God wanted us to fly, he’d have given us wings.”

Lexa chuckles, her thumb gently stroking the back of Clarke’s hand. 

“So are you saying I shouldn’t have contacts, because if God wanted me to see, he’d have made me have good vision?”

“What?” Clarke questions, eyes furrowing, “I don’t believe in God.”

Lexa chuckles, squeezing Clarke’s hand, “you’re cute when you’re stressed.”

An eyebrow raises, alerting Lexa of her mistake.

“I mean-uh, I like holding your hand when you’re stressed,” Lexa stutters, turning pink at the truth behind her stuttering.

Clarke’s heart melts as she watches the pink coat Lexa’s features, all the way to the tips of her ears, her very tiny ears.

“I like it when you hold my hand,” Clarke whispers, squeezing Lexa’s hand softly.

* * *

Lexa runs her fingers through her hair, scratching the head as she listens to her friend go over why it’s a terrible idea. 

“You’re not even fucking listening to me, you dipshit! You’re going to get yourself killed!” Anya yells, causing Lexa to look up, green eyes meeting brown.

“You’re not thinking with your brain, you stupid fucktard!” she yells.

Lexa sighs, looking to the ground.

“You better call Lincoln to come and get you, because if you do this… I’m not going to help you if you willingly put yourself into this Lexa! I’m not going to come in twenty minutes later to find your dead body! I refuse to do it! I will  **not** do it! Do you hear me?”

“So I finally get the strength to do what you’ve been telling me for years, and you’re going to walk out on me for doing it?” Lexa counters.

“I’ve been telling you to stop letting him do it, not go and offer yourself!” she yells, arms flailing in anger.

“I-”

“You’re not even thinking! You’re just-”

“I’m doing what I need to do for my wife,” Lexa challenges, looking back up to find Anya’s eyes.

“Your wife who  **_he_ ** picked out!”

Lexa rolls her eyes, shaking her head.

“She’s only in it for the money Lexa! She doesn’t care about you at-”

“You don’t fucking know her Anya. Don’t pretend like you do. You don’t know-”

“Neither do you! You spent a total of like, two days with her, including your wedding and honeymoon! She doesn’t even fucking know you Lexa! Yet you’re going to go and fucking end your life for her? I’ve been trying to get you to-”

“Shof op!” Lexa yells, cutting Anya off as anger boils to the surface, “I don’t care if he made our marriage. Now she’s my wife.  **My** wife! I don’t care if he fucking kills me, he does  **not** get to tell  **my** wife what to do! She’s nice and soft and-and-and, he doesn’t get to ruin this! He doesn’t get to ruin her like he’s ruined me!” 

Anya’s anger fades at that remark, shame filling her stomach, sorrow and pity in her heart.

“He doesn’t get to ruin her too. Now get out,” Lexa waves her hand, dismissing Anya as if she were nothing.

“Lexa,” Anya sighs, her heart heavy.

“I don’t need your pity.  _ Get out _ ,” Lexa orders, sitting down at her desk.

“Lex-”

“ **Get out** .”

Green eyes meet brown, and Anya’s heart sinks at what she finds. The green are as cold as Alexander’s. Anya nods, clenching her jaw as she leaves without another word.

* * *

“You really cancelled your honeymoon for this?” Raven questions, looking at the blonde who is curled in a ball with a blanket on the couch watching  _ One Day at a Time _ .

“Fuck off,” Clarke groans, pressing the palm of her hand into her stomach, as if she could just push away the pain.

“I mean, you could’ve been in Hawaii doing this. You didn’t need to come back for this,” Raven shrugs, grabbing the controller.

“I’d rather suffer alone,” Clarke mumbles, sighing in relief as the cramp passes.

“You mean away from Axel. I think someone might have a crush,” Raven teases, nudging Clarke’s leg as she stops the show.

“Shut up,” Clarke says, sitting up as blood rushes to her cheeks.

“Is that blush I see? Ooo! Someone has a crush,” Raven teases, clicking on  _ The OA _ .

“No, I don’t. He’s my husband, and he just happens to be understanding. And hey, asshat, I was watching that.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll like this show, I promise. I wish I had someone understanding enough to fly me across the ocean, I mean, I’d be fine with a one-way ticket.”

“Maybe you should marry rich too,” Clarke jokes.

“Nah, I’d rather be fucked good,” Raven shrugs.

Clarke raises her eyebrows, then looks to the screen to find a young couple doing just that, fucking.

“This seems like such an interesting show,” Clarke deadpans.

“It gets better, I promise. He has a cute butt anyway.”

“I do not agree, but okay… and why is he standing there with his dick out the window?”

“Stop asking questions and just watch the show,” Raven says, turning up the volume.

* * *

Lexa takes a deep breath as she closes her eyes, preparing herself. Her heartbeat races in her ears as she knocks on the door to her father’s office.

“Come in,” Alexander’s deep voice calls out, booming and ringing in Lexa’s ears as she walks in.

“Axel, what are you doing here? You should still be in Maui,” Alexander says, although his words hint at surprise, his face gives says he knows everything.

“My wife wasn’t feeling well so we came home early,” Lexa answers, her heart racing.

“A waste of money because she was feeling off. Plus the extra trip to come back early, I can’t believe-”

“She’s my wife.”

Both of them are surprised at the words that spilled from Lexa’s mouth. Alexander stands up, towering two whole inches over Lexa.

“You better have more to say than just that. To cut _me_ off in my own office,” he growls, walking around the desk to stand closer to Lexa.

Lexa swallows, clenching her jaw as she meets his cold green eyes with hers, ignoring the pounding in her ears, and the voice telling her to quit while she’s ahead.

“Clarke is **my** wife. I don’t care what little deal you made with her. She is not going to do anything in our marriage because of you. I don’t know what deal you made, and I don’t care. It’s void. She isn’t doing anything for you. She is my-”

Lexa doesn’t see the fist coming until it’s too late; she isn’t sure if she would’ve done anything anyways. It connects with the side of her jaw, knocking her to the ground. 

Her mind goes blank, her vision hazy. She barely notices him on top of her, besides for the new places that hurt every few seconds. He’s yelling, she’s sure of it, but she can’t hear anything besides her own heartbeat ringing in her ear. 

Her eyes snap open as his hand closes around her throat, not squeezing, just getting her attention.

“If that money-hungry slut doesn’t want to give me grandchildren, I’ll make sure you’ll never have any!” he yells before standing up and kicking her as hard as he can in her center. 

She screams in pain, the first time she has ever been aware of her own noise as her hands make their way to it, holding it as her body curls up.

“You think you can tell me who I can and can’t buy? You think you mean anything to me?” he questions, his hand once again finding Lexa’s throat.

“You are nothing to me!” is the last thing Lexa hears before everything fades.

* * *

Clarke’s jaw drops open as she takes in the scene on the TV. 

“What?” she questions, tears falling down her face.

“Yeah,” Raven says, grinning at her friend’s reaction.

“What? What happens?”

“That’s it. Nothing else,” Raven says, grabbing the controller and exiting out of the show.

“What do you mean nothing else? There has to be another season, I mean, OA-”

“They’re supposedly working on it. But, cool fact, Buck? He’s really transgender. Like, I guess he was big on tumblr before he got this role,” she informs.

“Really? Like, cool, but like, dude. Why did you get me to watch that if-”

“I wanted someone to talk about it with. Oh, and it gets better the second time you watch it through.”

“Second time? Raven it’s,” Clarke picks up her phone to check the time and freezes, seven missed calls from the hospital, three from her mother, and one from an unknown number.

“Oh hey, Anya said you need to call her, she text me awhile ago. I just saw it,” Raven says, turning on the light.

“I have seven calls from the hospital, she’ll have to wait,” Clarke says, sitting up as her heart starts racing.

“The hospital?”

Clarke shakes her head, calling her mother as she stands up and starts pacing.

“Clarke, honey, sit down,” Abby’s voice soothes from the other side of the phone.

“I have seven missed calls from the hospital Ma, what’s-”

“Sit down,” she orders, turning on her mom voice.

“Okay,” Clarke obeys, plopping on the ground, ignoring the weird look from Raven.

Abby sighs, looking down at the OR from her seat in the gallery, her eyes taking in the open chest cavity. Blood pouring from somewhere, the doctors still rushing to find and stop the bleeding. Her eyes go to the nurse pumping a small yellow pump that is connected to a spot in their neck, breathing for them. Then down to the specialist doctor who is taking in the damage to their private part.

“It’s Axel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let me know what you think!  
> Both of those shows are on Netflix, and have good lgbt rep in them! Feel free to come to tumblr and yell at me :D


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just an fyi  
> This isn't real, so I highly doubt all this would happen in real life, so just go with it. It's a kinda realistic story, but idk much about the law or medical shit, so just go with it please.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Harper groans into the phone, fumbling to put on her shoes in the dark.

“I’m sorry, you’re the only person I know who could put up the money,” Anya says, looking around at the plain white walls surrounding her, ignoring the guard staring her down.

“I’m guessing I won’t have a job much longer, so you’re lucky my girl has a good job,” she says, grabbing her keys from the bowl on the table.

“Babe?” a voice calls out from the bedroom, followed by the sounds of bare feet on their hardwood floor.

“I’ll be there when I can,” Harper says, ending the phone call.

“What are you doing?” 

Harper feels her breath catch as she takes in her girlfriend. Her long brown hair crazy from the bed, her green eyes almost brown in the low light, her fit form encased in only an oversized tee shirt.

“I have to go bail Anya out of jail, then take her to the hospital to see if Axel is okay,” Harper explains.

“Wait, what? Why is Anya in jail? And Axel in the hospital? Did something happen with Mr. Woods?” Zoe Monroe questions, wiping the sleep out of her eyes.

“I don’t know, but I’ve gotta go. Try to go back to sleep babe,” Harper whispers, pressing a kiss to Zoe’s cheek, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Okay, hey,” Zoe pulls her back by her arm, forcing their eyes to meet, “be careful. Who knows what Woods has up his sleeve,” she whispers before pressing a kiss to pink lips.

“I love you,” Harper whispers, stealing another kiss.

“I love you too.”

* * *

“Tell me what happened,” Harper orders as she slides in the driver's seat.

Anya scoffs, “you could guess easily what happened.”

Harper glares at her, wincing as she takes in the large bruise forming on her cheek. 

“Don’t worry, he has a matching one too. Which is why I’m in jail. He’s trying to get me to take the fall for Le-Axel too, but as I performed an emergency tracheotomy and saved his life, they’re waiting until he wakes up to hear his side of the story,” Anya says as Harper pulls into traffic.

“Emergency tracheotomy? That sounds scary,” Harper says, not sure what it means.

“He’s going to have to go down for this. He almost killed L-Axel. I…” Anya goes silent, memories of the events that happened just hours ago replay in her mind.

“He’s lucky to have you,” Harper whispers, pulling into the hospital parking lot.

Anya doesn’t say anything as Lexa’s last words play in her mind. The wave of her hand, the coldness of her eyes. 

“Here, text me when you can, okay? I know I’m not close to Axel, but I still care. Plus, I’m pretty sure they won’t be keeping me around if Axel is gone,” Harper interrupts her thoughts.

“Hey, you have clearance to the video cameras, don’t you?” Anya questions, her mind snapping to lawyer form.

“I think so? I don’t know how to do-”

“Can I send someone to your house, to get the files before they’re gone?”

“I mean-”

“Thank you!” Anya says, rushing out the door before Harper can reply, grabbing her phone and calling Raven quickly.

* * *

“What happened?” Clarke questions, tears in her eyes as she looks to her mother.

“I don’t know. It’s bad though, my love. He’s strong though, his heart has never even stuttered,” Abby soothes, pulling Clarke to her chest.

Clarke falls into her mother’s embrace easily, her head burying itself in her mother's chest, as if she were a child again.

“The police came with him, they want his story whenever he wakes up, but there’s still hours left before they’re through with surgery. He was beat, badly. Broken ribs, one nicked something, I left before they could find it. When he came in, someone had already performed an emergency tracheotomy. Anna or something-”

“Anya?”

“Yes. He also has a lot of swelling in his left cheek, they need to do x-rays still, but I’m guessing some facial fractures. Plus, there’s the possibility of brain injuries, so a CAT scan too. We don’t have any clue, really, because he can’t breathe on his own anyways, so we just have to wait. And,” Abby pauses, shaking her head in disgust “whoever did this was a monster,” she whispers before continuing, “he also has a testicular rupture. They did what they could, but we are waiting on a specialist to fly in. He might lose it.”

Clarke whines, deep in the throat in sympathy. She can’t imagine a man losing something as personal as their balls. 

“He’s going to be in a world of hurt when he wakes up. I don’t understand though, absolutely no evidence of him fighting back at all,” Abby says.

“It’s his father,” Clarke spits, anger filling her chest as she moves away from her mother, “I don’t think he even deserves that title,” she growls.

“Come on, let’s go wait in the waiting room for them to be done,” Abby says, offering her hand.

“Alexander is going to pay,” Clarke says, blue eyes filled with rage meeting Abby’s calm brown.

“Later, my love. Let’s go wait for Axel to tell us what happened,” Abby calms her.

Clarke nods, intertwining their hands and leaving the supply closet to head to the waiting room.

* * *

Anya sighs, pacing outside the hospital. Her heart races and she curses her stupid feelings. Hospitals have always been her biggest weakness.   
“It’s Lexa. Poor baby Lexa,” she hypes herself up, then shakes her head, pacing again.

“Anya!” a deep voice pulls her from her mind and instantly calming her as she looks up and her eyes find the darker toned man.

“Oh thank god you’re here,” Anya says as she throws herself into his arms.

“It’s okay,” Lincoln whispers, easily wrapping his arms around the shorter woman, “It’s just a building.”

“I know, asshole,” she mumbles, pushing him away with a forced smile.

Lincoln takes in the deep purple bruise on Anya’s cheek, his fingers gently running over it. His heart aches at seeing his older cousin hurt.

“Don’t get sappy on me,” she says, pushing his hand away.

“Says the one who threw themselves in my arms,” Lincoln rolls his eyes, turning towards the large building.

“She’s an idiot, getting herself killed for a girl,” Anya whispers as they walk towards it.

“I’m sure she’ll love to hear that once she wakes up,” Lincoln says.

“No, that’s the last thing I told her. I yelled at her Linc. I told her I wasn’t going to be there for her, I-”

“Hush,” Lincoln whispers, pulling her into another hug, having seen the tears in her eyes.

“You were there for her, that’s what matters.”

“She couldn’t breathe Linc, he choked her so hard she couldn’t-” she chokes on a sob, tears falling, “she couldn’t…”


	23. Chapter 23

Clarke glances up from her hand intertwined with her mother’s as the doors to the waiting room open. She can  _ feel  _ the ache in her chest as she takes in the redness around Anya’s eyes.

“Any news?” Lincoln questions quickly and quietly as they make their way to the seats in front of the mother and daughter duo.

“Not really,” Clarke whispers, taking a closer look at the large bruise covering Anya’s cheek, “were you there?”

Anya scoffs, “No, I just happened to run into a door tonight too.”

“Anya,” Lincoln scolds, shaking his head at her.

“Sorry.”

Clarke sighs, she doesn’t have the energy to put up a fight tonight. 

“I believe that the only person who needs to be fighting tonight is Axel,” Abby whispers, softly squeezing her daughter’s hand.

Anya sighs, biting her bottom lip. Lincoln grabs her hand, ignoring the scowl he gets as he intertwines their hands to mirror the Griffins’.

“You’re completely right, Mrs Griffin,” he whispers.

“This was Alexander, right?” Clarke questions.

Anya nods, swallowing her feelings as she speaks “he almost kill ‘em. Lex wasn’t even breathing when I got there. I tried to clear the airway, but he crushed it. I had to cut…” Anya trails off, forgetting herself as the memory replays itself.

“So you were in the medical field?” Abby questions, “Not many people know how to perform a tracheotomy correctly.”

“I was for awhile. I switched into law. Better opportunities,” she mumbles, worrying her bottom lip.

Clarke nods, looking down at her hand again. A silence falls over them, an ocean of unknowns and awkwardness between the best friends, and the newly-wed wife. Abby’s pager breaks the silence. She mumbles an apology before kissing Clarke’s forehead and leaving her alone with the two almost strangers; quickly the silence is back, louder than before.

Anya snaps first, the quiet drone of the hospital putting her on edge. She shoots out of her seat, mumbling to Lincoln before disappearing out the door. Brown eyes meet blue again, and the unsettling feeling in Clarke’s stomach dissipates.

“She doesn’t care for hospitals,” he says, his eyes pointing towards the door Anya just fled through.

“She doesn’t care for me either, huh?” Clarke jokes, leaning back in her chair.

“She just doesn’t want to see L-Axel hurt. I mean, she taught Axel how to fight. Anya’s just… She’s tough.”

“I’m not going to hurt Axel. You guys know that right? The last thing I want to do is hurt him. I mean, fuck. I… I care about him already.”

Lincoln sighs, “I can see you care. But,” he sighs, “None of us saw Costia doing what she did,” he shakes his head, “Costia’s my cousin and I have no doubt that she loved him, that she was in love with him, but sometimes it doesn’t matter. We hurt those we care about most. So it doesn’t really matter what you say, or do. Anya’s going to be tough. For Axel, until the day she dies.”

“Costia’s the one who turned out to be gay, isn’t she?” Clarke questions, trying to connect the dots.

Lincoln sighs, taking a deep breath before realizing he has nothing else to say and just nodding.

“You can’t help who you love, boys or girls. You can care for someone with all your heart and just not-”

“I know,” Lincoln cuts her off, “Costia isn’t my story to tell.”

Clarke raises an eyebrow.

“I’m not homophobic. None of us are, I promise. We just don’t talk about Costia. I shouldn’t have brought her up,” he explains.

“Brought up who?” Anya questions as she strolls in, smelling like a cheap cigarette.

“Costia,” Clarke answers.

Anya’s jaw ticks once before she clinchs it shut. She gives Lincoln her infamous side eye before whispering “this isn’t the time.”

“Like I said, I shouldn’t have brought her up,” he says, leaning back in his chair.

Anya growls to herself, leaning back in her own.

“Well this is nice,” Clarke whispers to herself as silence falls over them once again.

* * *

“Holy shit,” Harper says, her eyes wide as she watches the video playing on her screen.

“He just lets it happen,” Raven whispers, watching as the scene unfolds.

“I never understood,” Harper confesses.

“It’s hard to know how bad it really is when it’s all you know,” Raven mumbles, flashes of Finn lying to her playing in her mind, “not until you can see that it gets better.”

She looks down at her phone, smiling at the picture of Anya’s back, toned and full of healing scratches scabbed over, and a trail of blood from new ones, a small grin from the blonde barely visible over her shoulder.

“So you can use this and get that bastard, right?” Harper questions.

“Yeah, we can. I’m downloading it right now, to your computer. I’m going to put it on a flashdrive for you to keep hidden until the time comes. I’m also going to take a file myself, just incase something happens. But just know, I didn’t do any of this. It’s most likely highly illegal for me to see the inside of this. You, on the other hand, have access to all of this, and thus, after hearing the story, used your access to figure out what happened. Without help from me. Okay?”

“I became a genius, got it.”

“You should learn a little about this, just incase it goes to court. I mean, if Axel dies, it’s just our word against Woods unless we have this video. If this video gets thrown out, we have nothing against the best lawyers in the world.”

Harper sighs, looking at the time, “then I guess we better get to studying.”

Raven smirks, cracking her knuckles as she gets into teacher mode.

***

“He will be waking up soon. You are allowed to be in the room, but he won’t be able to talk, as the trach he has will take awhile to get used to,” Jackson explains to the three.

“All of us?” Lincoln questions.

“His direct family only, so-”

“So not us,” Anya cuts him off, rolling her eyes as she turns on her heel and returns to her seat.

“I’ll let you know as soon as you can come back,” Clarke whispers to Lincoln, gently touching her shoulder before nodding to Jackson.

“Thanks,” Lincoln whispers as Clarke is lead away.

“She doesn’t even know her fucking name, but she gets to be the one to see her first, bullshit,” Anya scoffs.

“She’s her wife,” Lincoln mumbles.

“She’s a glorified prostitute picked out by the biggest dick in the country.”

“Anya,” he scolds.

“It’s true!” Anya says, not bothering to whisper, “Woods picked her out so she could pop out as many babies as she could, so he could have more people to control. She’s got the title of wife, but she’s just a paid baby moma, and you know it!”

“Lexa seems to like her, so it’s not of your busi-” 

“Neither is the fact her father nearly killed her, is it?” Anya spits, earning a few looks.

“Come on, let’s go outside,” Lincoln urges, standing up.

“No.”

“Anya.”

“Fuck you.”

Lincoln sighs, sitting back down as he shakes his head.

* * *

Clarke bites her bottom lip as she takes Lexa’s hand in hers, ignoring the tiny voice in her head that’s telling her she doesn’t know if it’s okay to hold hands or not. She looks at Lexa’s face, pain in her chest at the black and blue all over. A small hose connects to a hole in her neck, a machine breathing for her. The rest of her body is no better. 

Clarke sighs, looking down at the hand in hers. It’s one of the only places on her body where there is no trauma.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, gently trailing her thumb over the back of her hand.

A loud intake of breath breaks the moment, Lexa trying to breathe.

“Hey, calm down. You’re okay, just breathe,” Clarke soothes, jumping up to try to calm Lexa.

“You’ve got a trach in, okay? So you can’t talk, you just need to breathe, okay?” 

Lexa’s breathing comes faster, her eyes wide as her hands come to her throat, ready to rip out the object stopping her from breathing normally.

“Axel, no!” Clarke yells, grabbing her hands to stop her before she does some damage, “it’s breathing for you, if you take it out you won’t be able to breathe!” 

Lexa fights against the hands holding her down, she needs to breath. She needs to get it out, she needs…

Her movements slow as the sedative kicks in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? As always, let me know what you think.   
> More comments = More inspiration to write


	24. Chapter 24

Clarke sighs, watching as they wheel Lexa back to the ER. It’s been a rough few days, with Lexa not really waking up, and when she did, she’d be violent and have to be sedated again. After a few days, the doctors advised that they remove the trach, as it seemed to be the cause of Lexa’s distress when she would wake up. Her body has been healing, the bruises no longer black and blue, now an off yellow, purple in some places. 

“How is she?” Lincoln questions as Clarke walks back into the waiting room.

Clarke raises an eyebrow, “She?”

Lincoln's eyes widen, his mouth dropping open at his own mistake. Clarke shakes her head, “I’m sorry, this lack of sleep must be getting to us all. His stats are stable. They just took him in to remove the trach. Hopefully that’ll let him wake up calm,” Clarke says, sitting down next to him.

Lincoln sighs in relief, looking to the blonde. Her hair is greasy, unwashed and tied in a bun. There are dark circles under her eyes, and a small bruise on her cheek from Lexa herself. 

“I hope that bruise is gone by the time he wakes up,” Lincoln says, “Axe’ll never forgive himself for it.”

“It was my fault. I shouldn’t have had my face so close to his head, knowing he’d wake up soon,” Clarke says, remembering how she had pressed a kiss to Lexa’s cheek, saying goodbye for the night, when Lexa has snapped awake, thrashing at the fact she was tied down.

“I don’t understand why he’s so aggressive. He’s one of the sweetest people I know, I just…” he sighs, “I don’t get it.”

“It’s just the fight or flight is all. Imagine waking up somewhere you don’t know, you can’t breathe properly, you can’t talk, and you’re tied to the bed. I’d probably fight just like he does, to be completely honest,” Clarke explains.

“Yeah…” Lincoln trails off, looking down to his hands.

“How’s Anya?” Clarke questions, not having seen her in awhile.

“She’s working on the case.”

“I can’t believe he got out of it already,” Clarke mumbles.

“Innocent until proven guilty. Without Lex-Axel, it’s just Anya’s word against his. Alexander is a businessman with a perfect record and loads of cash. Anya is an orphan with a record of fighting. Who do you think a judge is more likely to believe?” 

Clarke sighs, “Let’s just hope Axel wakes up soon.”

* * *

“I swear to god, if this video got out, he’d be ruined,” Raven says, watching it yet again.

“Yeah, and so would our case,” Anya mumbles, not looking up from the large textbook in front of her.

“When we win, can I leak it?” Raven questions, leaving her desk to come sit on the couch next to Anya.

“Babe, if we win or lose, I want that video shown on  Good Morning America ,” Anya says, looking up to meet Raven’s eyes.

“Good thing you’re with a hacker then, right?” she grins, leaning over the textbook.

“You’re so much more than that,” Anya smirks, leaning into Raven’s face, “you’re also pretty good with your mouth.”

Raven grins, leaning into Anya’s neck.

“Why don’t you take a break?” she whispers softly in her ear before taking the lobe and giving it a soft bite.

“Raven,” Anya whimpers, letting her books fall to the ground, Raven taking their spot in her lap, “God you’re so fucking hot.”

“Not too bad yourself, hot stuff,” Raven giggles, pulling back and connecting their mouths.

* * *

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around. They wanted me to-”

“It’s okay love,” Lincoln cuts Octavia off, gesturing for her to sit in the chair next to him.

“How long has she been out?” she questions, looking to her blonde best friend, who is fast asleep, leaning towards the wall.

“She past out right after they took Lex back, it’s only been about twenty minutes,” he says, looking towards the doors to the ER, where Lexa is being operated on.

“Why do you guys call him Lex?” Octavia questions, leaning towards Lincoln, putting her head on his shoulder.

Lincoln tenses.

“Bad story?” she questions, having felt him tense up.

“It’s a long story. Can we forget about it?” he asks.

“I mean-”

“It’s not my story to tell babe, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Octavia mumbles, intertwining their hands.

“I just want ‘em to be okay,” he confesses, his voice thick with feelings he’s been holding back.

“I know, my love. I know,” she soothes, pulling him into a hug.

“They’re my rock, I can’t…” he whispers into her neck, tears filling his eyes.

“He’ll be okay. He’s already gotten through to worst part, he’ll just keep getting better baby.” she whispers, her fingers running through his hair, “he’ll be okay.”

* * *

Lexa groans, her body hurts. Her head is spinning. It feels like she’s been sucking on cotton balls for days. She swallows, licking her lips, trying to wet her mouth. With another groan, her hands move, coming to scratch her nose. 

Opening her eyes, she’s surprised to see the bright white light. Blinking a few times, her vision clears. Before her stands two men, dressed in blue uniforms.

They’re talking to her, she realizes. Her head is spinning, her mind fuzzy.

“I’m high,” she mumbles to herself, causing the men to lean in closer. 

Her eyebrows furrow as she tries to hear what they’re saying. She doesn’t know what they’re asking. She looks around again, noticing the gown she’s in. Her ribs hurt, her penis hurts like hell, her face hurts too. Her father must have gotten her again, only worse this time. She can’t remember anything, it’ll all fuzzy. 

The men are looking at her again, waiting for something. Maybe they know what happened? Anya would. 

“Anya,” she states.

They nod, writing something down. Then they leave, maybe they’ll bring Anya to her. 

Her throat hurts, her eyes fall closed as darkness takes over again.

* * *

A bang on the door causes Raven to shoot up from her spot between Anya’s legs.

“What the fuck?” Anya questions, rage immediately taking over as the banging continues.

“What’s going on?” Raven questions, standing up, pulling on a shirt.

“The fuck if I know,” Anya snips back, looking around for her shorts.

The door bursts open, causing both women to yelp. Seven men dressed in police uniforms file through. Before either know what’s going on, they’re both on their stomachs, hands behind their back. 

“Anya Willow, you are under arrest for the assault of Axel Woods,” one says, handcuffing her.

“What the fuck?” Raven questions.

“Who came forward?” Anya questions.

“You were named by the victim,” one answers, picking Anya up.

“Can I at least put on a shirt?” Anya questions, as all she has on is a pair of shorts.

“No. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is crap, and a crap ending. I only had like two hours to work on this this week. It's been busy, and I hope my job will stop making me work 6 days a week soon.   
> Love all of the comments I got last week, it really pushed me to write any chance I got. Otherwise you prob wouldn't have gotten this so soon.   
> Sorry for not having more time to write 


	25. Chapter 25

“Who the fuck let them in there with him?” Clarke questions, rage filling her as she looks at the team of doctors.

“They’re the police, they-”

“Axel is just coming off of major surgery and anesthesia, not the mention the high number of pain pills he’s on. He is in no state to be questioned by the police!”

“They-”

“I don’t give a fuck! I could sue this hospital for-”

“Clarke,” Abby snaps from down the hallway, snapping her out of her rant, “That’s enough,” she states, grabbing her and pulling her into Lexa’s room.

“Mom, they-”

“They skipped a few steps. It seems like Mr. Woods wants it resolved quickly,” Abby explains.

“I’m going to sue this hospital and the police, Anya is going to sue them for wrongful arrest and-”

“Honey, let Anya do the sueing. Your husband needs your support. I’ll they to get this fixed, okay? Sit with him,” Abby soothes.

“You can’t let Anya stay in jail. She saved Axel’s life, she can’t go to jail for it.”

“I know baby.”

Abby presses a kiss to Clarke’s forehead before she leaves the room. Clarke sighs, sitting down in the chair, pulling it close to Lexa’s bed. Shaking her head at her thoughts, she decides to shut them out, instead focusing on Lexa’s sleeping face. There is a light stubble covering her cheeks due to the lack of shaving for days. 

“You’d look good with a beard,” Clarke whispers to herself, looking at Lexa. 

She gets no response, Lexa still deep asleep.

“You know what? Your cheekbones and jawline are to die for too. You’d make a beautiful woman,” she admits, grabbing her sketchbook.

“You were a warrior in a past life. I can tell. Do you believe in other lives? I’ll have to remember to ask you when you wake up. I think you’d be a warrior who leads. I’d like to think I’d be a leader who learns to be a fighter. When Raven Octavia and I go out sometimes, she brings along Bellamy. He’s a huge nerd, into like greek gods and shit. Anyways, sometimes we go around and pick what god we would be. Raven is easy, she’s Hephaestus. That’s the god of like, making stuff. Octavia, we decided, is Artemis. She likes the hunt and the wild and shit. I haven’t really decided on what I am yet, I mean-”

“Hera,” a deep voice startles her.

Her jaw drops as she looks at Lexa, her eyes meeting green. Lexa swallows, her mouth dry.

"You'd be Hera, their queen," she rasps, her voice hoarse.

“Here, drink some water,” Clarke says, quickly offering a straw to Lexa. 

Lexa drinks slowly, letting the water drag over her rough throat, indulging in the feeling.

“Thank you,” she says, shifting, then wincing as pain courses through her body.

“What hurts? How can I help?” Clarke questions, ready to help however she can.

Lexa shakes her head, closing her eyes as she breathes through the pain.

“Do you want some more pain-”

“No. It’s fine,” Lexa cuts her off, eyes opening again, a mask of professionalism falling into place, “what happened?”

“I think that’s what I should be asking you.”

Lexa sighs, memories of her father, his last words ring through her ears,  _ You are nothing to me! _

“The police were here already, and you named someone for them,” Clarke informs.

Lexa’s brows furrow, “I don’t remember.”

“They shouldn't have been in here, until you woke up and were coherent, like now.”

“My father probably had them on edge. What did I say?”

“You told them Anya did this to you.”

“What!?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry this is so short, I'm just not in the mood to write. I'm so burnt out from everything that's happening around me right now. I'll try to write some this week, but I figured this little bit was better than nothing.   
> Sorry if you'd rather wait for more, I feel bad not giving at least something weekly.   
> I might take a break from this and write a one-shot or something, idk. I've just been in a weird kinda depressed mood lately. I hope y'all understand.   
> I love you all. Thank you for reading.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE and IMPLIED SEXUAL ABUSE and (as always) MISGENDERING

“What did you do?” Dana questions her husband, turning her phone off as he walks into the room.

“What do you mean?” he questions, walking to his closet without a glance at her.

“I just had an acquaintance tell me that my son is in the hospital fighting for his life, not on his honeymoon in Hawaii. Also that his best friend since childhood is in jail for beating him.”

“And what does that have to do with me?” Alexander questions, walking back into their bedroom.

“What does that? Are you kidding me?” Dana questions.

Alexander looks at her for the first time since he entered the bedroom. His green eyes cold as he meets hers, sending a shiver down her spine.

“Have you forgotten who I am?” he questions, his voice lowered, sending Dana’s heart racing.

“No sir,” she whispers, dropping her eyes to his feet.

“Axel is no longer needed here. I hoped he would turn out better, but I guess he turned back to his roots. His mother’s blood was too strong in him. What do you have to say for yourself? For raising a worthless boy? I took you from nothing, I gave you everything and all I asked for in return was a son to keep it going. And you failed at even that.”

Dana doesn’t move. Doesn’t say a word, just stares at his feet. She doesn’t flinch when his hand raises her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes, colder now than before. 

“How does it feel to be worthless?” he questions.

She doesn’t answer, looking down to avoid his eyes.

“Lucky for you, I’ve put too much time into you,” he states, then pushes her down on her knees, “I will give you one more chance to give me a son I deserve. If you do not provide, I will find someone else.”

“I can’t have any more Alexander,” she whispers, looking away from him, “I-”

A quick slap cuts off whatever Dana was going to say. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt, but enough to get his point across.

“We will get a surrogate to have the child. I’ve done my research and found a woman who will give me what you couldn’t. You will raise my child and know that they are better than anything you’ve ever been able to do.”

“Couldn’t you just find a new wife?” Dana questions, “one younger? And let me go?”

“Oh dear,” he fakes concern, “have you forgotten our arrangement? You are mine until the day you die. If you’d rather not be mine, I can-”

“No, sir. I’m sorry. Of course you’re right. You’re so smart.”

“There’s my love,” he grins, leaning down and grabbing her chin roughly, “Now shut up and use that mouth the way it should be used.”

* * *

Anya sighs as she stares up at the bottom of the top bunk. Her roommate had claimed the top and made it clear there would be not switching without also swapping blood. Or other body fluids. Anya shivered in disgust at the thought of doing anything with the woman currently sleeping above her. She’s all for body positivity and going natural, but it just wasn’t what she’s into. 

She sighs again, turning to her side to face the wall. An image of Raven appears in her mind. They talked on the phone a few hours before, but Lexa is still out of it. All they can do is wait for her to wake up and help deal with the situation.

* * *

“So you’re retracting your original statement?” the officer questions.

“I do not remember the original statement, I was under the influence of many pain medications. Could I see a transcript of my statement?” Lexa questions.

The young officer pales, looking over at the other officer in the doorway.

“We don’t have that with us,” the older officer states.

“Then I’ll like to make a statement.”

“Changing your statement makes it look like you’re hiding or covering for someone,” the young one says.

“Attempting to persuade a victim to do say or not say something can also lead to a few lawsuits for the department. I’m sure you’ll be more than willing to take another statement to help clear up any missed details, now that I am awake and not under the influence of hard drugs,” she states, glaring at them both.

“Of course sir. We’d never want that,” the older man states, pulling out a pen and paper.

“Can I request you to also record this? I want to make sure nothing is missed.”

“Of course, Mr. Woods, whatever you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Sorry it's short. Hopefully I'll be back soon. 48 hours a week is killing me.   
> Also, what do you guys think of Dana now? Do you still hate her? Should I show more of her? Idk about her yet. Do you guys want more of her? Let me know.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Mentions of Lexa's biological body using male-coded language (such as penis/testes/ect). Lexa has trans related triggering thoughts (too much hair, too male-looking, ect).

“Axel?” Clarke whispers, gently placing her hand on Lexa’s forearm.

“Hm?” Lexa hums in acknowledgment, on the edge of consciousness.

“The doctors want to talk with you about your recovery,” Clarke explains, “if you’d rather sleep, I can tell them to go away.”

“No,” Lexa shakes her head, opening her eyes and sitting up slightly, only to wince when pain shoots through her body.

“Here, use the bed,” Clarke orders, placing the remote in Lexa’s hand.

Green eyes connect with blue, “thank you.”

“Of course,” Clarke nods, standing up, “I’ll tell them you’re ready then.”

Lexa can’t help noticing cold her skin is where Clarke’s hand was. Her eyes go down to where the hand was, and her stomach turns. She’s unsure how long exactly she’s been in the hospital, but it’s obvious that nobody has been shaving her. It’s hard to resist the urge to reach up and feel her face, she knows there must be more hair there than she wants. It’s almost as if everything feels like too much all at once. Logically it’s impossible to feel all of her body hair at once, but she can. Like little bugs all over her skin, crawling just enough to make her want to squirm.

“They’ll be in in a minute,” Clarke says as she walks back into the room.

Blue eyes scan her spouse and know something is wrong immediately, as Lexa hasn’t moved the bed yet. 

“What’s wrong?” she whispers, sitting down in the chair next to Lexa’s bed.

“Nothing,” Lexa lies.

“Axel,” Clarke sighs, her hand coming to rest on her forearm again, “I thought we had this talk before.”

Lexa sighs, remembering her promise, yet she can’t tell Clarke yet. Not like this, and not here. 

“Mr. Woods!” A male greets as he enters the room, clothed in a bright white coat with scrubs underneath, “so glad to finally be able to meet you. You took one hell of a beating, and fought a great fight.”

“Nice to meet you too, Dr…?” 

“Sloan. I’m one of the many doctors who worked on putting you back together. I dealt with your fractured eye socket. I know you probably haven’t looked in the mirror yet, but I’m very confident in saying we did an amazing job, and-”

“Mark, can you maybe stop gloating and tell him everything that happened?” Clarke cuts him off, sending a glare to the man.

“Right, sorry,” he apologizes, grabbing the charts from the end of Lexa’s bed. 

“You came in pretty battered. Like I stated before, you had a direct orbital floor fracture, which is fixed and healing up nicely. You also had a tracheal rupture, and with a few surgeries, it seems you are able to talk and breathe correctly again. You also had a few broken ribs, which should be well on the way to healed by now. It seems like you’ve had quite a few broken ribs before, so you should know the deal with them. One of them also caused your spleen to rupture, which Dr. Bailey and Grey were able to get that under control. The only thing that isn’t 100% is…” he trails off, reading the chart.

“Sloan?” Clarke questions.

“Sorry, I’m uh, I’m going to go get Dr. Avery to talk to you about the last one. She’s who you need,” he apologizes, leaving the room in a rush.

Lexa looks at Clarke, “what else is wrong with me?” she asks.

Clarke swallows, “I think we should-”

“It’s my…” Lexa trails off, unsure what to say. 

She can feel the gauze against her lower part. It hurts more than any other part of her body. The wince Sloan had when he read it. She knows it’s something down there.

“They had to…” Clarke trails off, unsure how to say it.

Lexa’s heart sinks. Any damage down there means scar tissue. Scar tissue means surgery is out of the question. She can’t help the tears in her eyes are she looks down at it.

“Mr. Woods, glad to see you awake. I’m guessing your wife already told you?” Catherine Avery questions as she walks in, clad in a dress and heels.

“Not completely,” Clarke says. 

“Well, in that case. You came in with a ruptured testicle. I attempted to save it, but ultimately I had to perform an orchiectomy, the removal of the testicle. I’m deeply sorry. You may experience a lower sperm count...”

Lexa stops listening, no longer caring. Her tears stop. It’s not good news, but it kinda is. An orchiectomy is one of the first steps to bottom surgery anyways. As long as there wasn’t any damage to her scrotum, then bottom surgery is still a possibility, someday.

“My scrotum is still okay?” she questions, cutting off the older woman.

“Yes. There was some bruising when you were brought in, but it should be fine by now. We can see about getting that catheter removed and you can see for yourself.”

* * *

“Hey,” Lincoln grins, wrapping his arms around the shorter blonde.

“No hugging!” an officer orders.

“Sorry,” he offers the guard, pulling away from his cousin.

“How’s Lexa?” Anya questions, sitting down at the small table.

“She gave a new statement to the police, but they haven’t let me see her yet. I guess the doctors still need to do some tests or whatever.”

“I bet Clarke’s with her though,” Anya rolls her eyes.

“Well, yeah,” Lincoln nods, “she’s her wife.”

“She doesn’t even know Lexa. It should be me, or you, in there holding her hand,” Anya shakes her head, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair.

“Anya…”

“It should be! I’m not wrong about this.”

“Clarke hasn’t left her side since she woke up. She’s-”

“Playing the role perfectly. She’s getting paid to be there. I bet she’s still under Alexander’s-”

“Anya, stop. Clarke isn’t under his thumb. She’s not going to be making any money by staying with her at the hospital. Lexa’s not going to have anything at all when she gets through this.”

“I bet Clarke thinks she’s got a load of-”

“I’m not listening to you go on and on about Lexa’s wife. I highly doubt Lexa would enjoy it either.”

Lexa’s words play in Anya’s mind,  _ “She’s nice and soft and-and-and, he doesn’t get to ruin this! He doesn’t get to ruin her like he’s ruined me!” _

Her heart sinks at the memory, the coldness she saw in those green eyes.

“I came to ask if you wanted to file for wrongful arrest, and who I should get for that. I don’t know how much longer they can keep you, not that Lexa’s statement has changed.”

“I’ll be here until we go to court probably. I don’t trust any lawyer except Lexa and myself. Can you, just, make sure she’s okay?”

“I plan on it, I’m going back after I leave here.”

“Help her shave.”

“What?” Lincoln questions.

“She’s been out of it for awhile. I’m sure she’s hairy. Help her shave, she’ll need it.”

“I don’t-”

“Linc,” Anya pleads, grabbing his forearm, their eyes connecting, “she needs to shave or else it’ll be worse,” she explains, hoping her eyes are getting her point across.

“I got it. She needs to shave, okay.”

* * *

“Clarke?”

“Hmm?” she answers, not looking up from her phone, texting O, who is at lunch with Lincoln.

“Can you do something for me?” Lexa questions.

“Yeah,” she puts her phone down, turning her full attention to the brunette, “what’s up.”

“Can you help me shave?” 

“Wh-”

“You don’t have to. I just, I don’t like being hairy. And I’m not one of those guys who think that hair is gross or anything. I’d never expect a woman to shave for me or anything like that. I just personally don’t like hair and if you don’t want to I’d-”

Clarke’s hand on her forearm cuts her off. 

“Of course I’ll help,” she whispers, “I’ll go grab a razor and some water.” 

“Wouldn’t it be better if I went to the bathroom with you?” Lexa questions, moving to sit up.

“Don’t,” Clarke orders, her hand shooting to Lexa’s shoulder, pushing her down before she even started to get up, “the light is better in here, and I don’t want you to hurt yourself. You’ve been through enough pain for one day.”

Lexa thinks back to a few hours prior, when Dr Avery did a through test of what did, and didn’t hurt. And most things hurt still. 

Green eyes watch as the blonde rushes to the small bathroom. Lexa can’t help her eyes traveling to Clarke’s ass, only covered by a pair of sweatpants. 

“She’s so pretty,” she mumbles to herself, looking down at herself. 

Too much hair, too many hard line, too rough, no boobs, a dick. She’ll never get where she wants to be. Her heart starts racing as fast as her thoughts.

“Hey, stop worrying so much,” Clarke whispers, suddenly back from her trip to the bathroom and standing right next to Lexa.

“I-”

“You’ll throw yourself into a panic attack,” she whispers, shaking a can of shaving cream.

“Aren’t you going to make a mess?” Lexa questions, watching as Clarke sets down a bowl of water, a rag, a razor, and the shaving cream.

“I used to go around the coma ward and shave all the men there. As long as you don’t move, I’ll be fine.”

“The coma ward?” 

“That’s what I called it,” Clarke explains, “it was back when my Ma was an intern. I wanted to follow in her footsteps, and she told me that a steady hand was the first skill I needed to learn. Shaving is good for that.”

“You wanted to be a doctor?” Lexa questions, watching as Clarke sprays a little bit of the cream on her hands.

“I did,” Clarke says, putting the cream on Lexa’s face, coating her cheeks and chin.

“Why aren’t you?”

Lexa immediately regrets the question. She can see the pain that comes over Clarke, the way her body tenses at whatever she’s thinking.

“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to,” Lexa whispers, hating that when her eyes connect with blue, she finds unshed tears.

“I was an intern when they brought my dad in,” Clarke whispers, picking up the razor, “They didn’t know who he was at first,” she explains, gently pulling the razor down Lexa’s face, “It was a car accident, the worst one I’d ever seen.” 

Clarke rinses the razor, wiping it with the rag.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa whispers.

“He never wanted me to be a doctor. He always told me my art was too good for me to do anything else,” she continues, easily continuing to shave Lexa’s face, “he said that my mom was the one who was meant to save lives, and I was meant to give life meaning. I didn’t really understand it for a long time, but I think I get it now.”

“I…” Lexa trails off, “I don’t know what to say.”

Clarke chuckles weakly, finishing Lexa’s face, “I don’t think anybody ever knows what to say.”

“Thank you, for sharing that with me,” Lexa whispers as Clarke wipes off her face.

“Well, you’re my husband. You should know all my deep dark secrets,” Clarke jokes.

“Hey,” Lexa whispers, gently grabbing Clarke’s wrist, their eyes meeting.

“Us being married doesn’t mean you owe me anything. Thank you for sharing,” Lexa whispers. 

A warmth fills Clarke’s chest and her eyes drift down to plump lips. Lexa follows suit, locking her gaze on the mole above Clarke’s lips. 

A knock at the door causes Clarke to jump back as Lincoln comes in, his grin stretching ear to ear.

“You’re awake! It’s so good to see you,” he says, rushing to the other side of Lexa’s bed and hugging her easily.

“Linc, good to see you too,” she can’t help her smile, even though she is a bit annoyed at being interrupted from her moment with her wife.

“How are you feeling? Do you need anything?” he questions, pulling away to look her over.

“I’m fine. Clarke just helped me shave my face, so I feel a lot better. How’s Anya?”

“Worried about you.”

“They’re not releasing her?”

“No, she said they probably won’t until the trail. She said she wants you to represent you.”

“Woah, hey now. He’s coming off some major trauma, can’t you wait to think about going to work or anything like that for awhile? He needs lots of bed rest and time,” Clarke says.

“No,” Lexa shakes her head, “I’m the only one who has a shot of getting my father convicted.”

“Has a shot? You’re the victim in this, you just say-”

“You obviously haven’t dealt with Woods in the courtroom,” Lincoln cuts her off.

Clarke takes a deep breath, looking at the very serious faces taking her in.

“You’re right. I haven’t, but I do know that stress isn’t good on the body. So, can we wait to talk about this until Axel is out of the woods.”

“I’m fine though,” Lexa argues.

“Please? Just…” Clarke trails off, her mind running through all the things that could go wrong with Lexa’s recovery.

“Okay, we’ll give it a week?” Lexa questions, stopping herself from reaching out to touch Clarke.

“Okay. Thank you.” 

“You’re whipped,” Lincoln whispers, earning a glare from Lexa, which makes him chuckle, “okay, I won’t bring it up for a week, promise.”

“Thank you,” Clarke says, sitting down next to Lexa and intertwining their hands, ignoring the look of surprise she gets from Lexa. 

She zones out and plays with Lexa’s hand, admiring her long fingers and how their hands fit perfectly together.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so fucking short. My depression and dysphobia is kicking my fuckiing ass rn, and this is all I could do.

_ Home. _

It’s something Lexa hasn’t thought about. She hadn’t taken a moment to think about where she’s going to end up, now that her father definitely won’t welcome her back. Her heart is starting to race as her thoughts become clouded. Not only does she not have a home, she doesn’t even have clothes. Doesn’t have anything she left in her room, she’s empty handed and there’s no way for- 

A gentle hand on her forearm cuts off her thoughts, her head snapping to the blonde. 

Clarke’s not looking at her, instead still talking to the doctor, listening to them talk, nodding and asking questions that Lexa doesn’t hear. Green eyes take in her wife’s profile, and what a beautiful profile it is. All soft curves, something always said about body types, but never mentioned when talking about faces, but that’s what Clarke is. Her jawline is soft, it’s begging for Lexa to caress it. She dimple in the middle of her chin looks like the perfect place to place a thumb, or a kiss. The ever so slight dip between her brow muscles, her small moles adding to her beauty. The way her blonde hair comes down, even with the slight layer of grease, it still looks beautiful framing he

Blue eyes connect with green, causing blush to bloom over Lexa’s features, being caught red handed staring. 

“Are you ready to go home?” Clarke questions quietly, apparently not noticing the blush, or deciding to take pity on Lexa and not bring it up.

“Home?” Lexa questions quietly, looking down, away from the blonde, “I don’t think I have a home anymore.”

“Axel,” Clarke whispers, her hand sliding from Lexa’s forearm to intertwine their hands, “we’re married. I figured you’d come home with me.”

Lexa looks up, connecting with beautiful blue eyes, “Really?”

“Well, yeah,” Clarke looks down, suddenly unsure of herself, “I mean, I gave up my apartment because we bought the house, so I’m living with my mom, but yeah. It’s basically like it’s own apartment above the garage, we don’t even have to come in the real house. I know that it’s really soon to move in the in-laws but it’s all I really-”

“Clarke,” Lexa whispers, cutting her off, “I’m homeless. Anything is better than what I’ve got now.”

“Okay,” Clarke nods, standing up.

Lexa can’t help the wave of sadness when their hands disconnect.

“Then I’ll go find my mom and we’ll go home today.”

**Author's Note:**

> Wondering how I got the name for this fic? Well here you go.
> 
> "“are you a boy or a girl?”
> 
> i am stardust kissing the atmosphere with millions of light years held inside of me, millions of stories and histories you could not even begin to dream of  
> i am fire, flames so bright you melt in my presence, i ignite myself with the gasoline of your hatred and fear and misunderstanding, and i will burn down this town  
> i am the flowing of river, currents rushing, never stopping; i am the unnamed ocean you wouldn’t dare to place a toe in; i am the serene lake, so beautiful to look at but so toxic beneath the surface; i am a puddle after the rain, created effortlessly by mother nature; i am the rain, you’ll never know if i am just going to be a drizzle or if i am going to bring the storm  
> i am a fun house mirror, distorted by societal expectation, ugly to the naked eye, but inside i am still me, and nothing can change that  
> i am  
> i am so much more than you could even begin to understand  
> and yet,  
> you dare to suggest that all that i am can be summed up by your binary  
> — are you a boy or a girl?  
> (cc, 2017) 
> 
> ~ From drunk-on-writing on tumblr. Please go check him out and leave her some love <3  
> She writes about a lot of stuff and he's currently writing a book too.  
> Also CC's pronouns are she/her/he/him, so leave them lots of love!
> 
> As always, please comment.


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